The Heart of Neverland - Comments

You should really keep writing.... I love this.

This is a really creative idea. I'm hooked :)

I really want to see how this goes.

I'm new to this story and it has absolutely captivated me! Peter Pan is such a wonderful, magical story, and I'm really intrigued to know where you will take it! :D

Great update! I love how mature and sophisticated your write Wendy! Brilliant work!

This is beautiful, I'm in love with this already! I've watched the Disney movie, but I haven't read the book at all. But your writing seems to capture the nature of Wendy perfectly. I love the originality in this as well, especially when Peter was talking about Neverland's heart. I thought it was cute. It was Wendy who stole his heart. I'm dying to know what happens next, so I can't wait for the next update.

I absolutely loved this! It feels so innocent and playful; something I don't normally read. But I really enjoyed it and found it to be very refreshing! And since it's about Peter Pan, that makes it all the more better. Especially since I've never read a Peter Pan fic. Points for originality!

Your layout is absolutely stunning! I think the colors and simplicity go along really well with the story, if that makes any sense at all. :D

One line I really liked was "she called delicately as I charged like a elephant up the stars." I really like the contrast you made there with how her mother was calling delicately compared to how she 'charged like an elephant up the stairs.' The only problem I noticed here was that 'stars' should be 'stairs.'

Another line I really liked was "I almost couldn't remember, but there had been a time where we had been thicker than thieves, closer than lovers, stronger than friends." I just thought it was brilliant and really represented the closeness of their previous relationship and perhaps an insight to their future relationship.

As for suggestions, all I can really say is that you should perhaps go through and spell-check. For instance, in lines like, ""But Peter," I objected, "if Neverland's heart was is your heart, how could it possibly have been stolen, or even just gone? It's impossible, your still living."" Here, I noticed that you should choose between either 'was' or 'is' or put a / between them. Also, 'your' should be 'you're.' But, spelling mistakes are super-duper easy fixes and since there are so few, they don't really take away from your story at all.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this and you will find that I have subscribed! Keep up the good work!

Ooh, this is interesting so far. I shall subscribe! Peter Pan was my childhood (( :

Great update! There was someplace where you repeated yourself...but otherwise this was extremely good! Can't wait for the update!!

Beautiful Plz update!!:)

to be honest i was a little doubtful of this story at first cuz the first two chapters kind of lost me... but now you got me hooked(no pun intended) and i can't wait for an update

If I was Wendy I would get mad and tell him to get out of here. Than I would sue Peter Pan and have custody of Neverland and in the future sell it for millions makeing me rich.

^ What she said.
I'm not really a fan of Peter Pan at all but I can say that I really like this story c:

I think the summary is very effective. The way you asked questions pulls the readers in, making them wonder about the possibilities you just offered them. The layout it great too, simple and the banner is perfect and fitting. I don't know if this was intentional, but I like the choice of color schemes: the faded dull colors of both the picture and layout background. Put together with the first chapter, it really did feel like a fading memory.

I really like how you started off the story; it really added to the touch. This recollection of a dream that ended in a heartache...This is a new take on the Peter Pan story, and I'm curious to know what what's going to happen as I read on.

There were a few spelling errors in the first and second chapters; I would go back and point them out, but it's getting later where I am. If you want, I can point them out to you tomorrow.
But they weren't distracting or anything so it was okay. It was kept to a minimum so they never disrupted the flow of the story.

I totally love this; I haven't seen this disney movie in forever, but by reading this I remember small bits and pieces of it. It really feels like I'm little again, reading this story. "Lost in a fairytale" sort of feel...gosh, I had forgotten how much I loved Peter Pan. =)

I read all the chapters you had out and OH! that ending is awesomely infuriating!! XD I reallyreallyreally want to read more!!

You won me over! I'm subscribing.

HOLY HOT DOGS!!!!!!! i wanna see more. this is amazing. no other words for it.

*gasp* Its all Wendy's fault?!?! What will happen? Very short, but sweet. I loved!

I'm not a huge Peter Pan fan but damn, I'm subscribing to this. :D

I loved this update very much. :) I liked how you've had him grow a little, yet still make him slightly boy-ish.

OHMYGOSH.
This story... I love it.
It's a major blast from the past. I kinda had a crush on peter as a chhild.. and you're stirring those emotions up again.
I can't wait for more, and I'm definitly subscribing! :D

I adore Peter Pan and I really like how you're taking the actual storyline but making it your own in a way. Maybe making it more mature? I'm not sure I've only read the prologue but it was enough to make me subscribe. The writing is well done and I can feel Wendy's ache. There was one mishap I caught "puzzel" is spelled "puzzle."

to die would be an awfully big adventure

I really like your writing. It's humours and direct, yet detailed and precise. I think this is going to make an interesting read, and I'll definitely keep an eye out for updates. I like the idea of a more grown up Wendy meeting Peter once more. I always found the fact that Wendy and Peter never could be together heartbreaking. I adore Peter Pan. I think he breaks every little girls heart.