A Dreamer Now and Forever - Comments

Wow- I found this on the story contest page and clicked on it out of curiosity. The message it carried was strong. I can't believe it was only around 500 words! Great job- I hope I can make something this inspiring with so few letters. I read the other comments as well, out of curiosity again, and I do think the lyrics are a bit excessive. If they were actually in a song, it would be great to have a link at the bottom. =] Otherwise, it might be better to just fit a stanza inside.

I'm not going to say anything about the layout since when Mibba crashed it defaulted it back to whatever you had before and now that there's the New Mibba and the layout editing system is ridiculously complicated, so I shall let it slide.

Is the summary lyrics? It sounds familiar but I can't place it.

I'm not a huge fan of second person stories, they always read awkwardly to me and unless you're able to describe someone's actions incredibly well sometimes they turn out wonky. I feel like this sentence would pan out better if you added something to it, perhaps 'I don't remember where I went, all I knew was that I wanted to prove you wrong, so much so that you would eat your words.'

Okay, now I know the summary was lyrics. Putting lyrics into your stories never work well, the summary is fine. But the actual content of the story, it never works. It's just filling up space, and that doesn't contribute to your word count so technically this wouldn't qualify, but I'll skip it.

For some reason I feel like this would flow better if it was more anonymous. Like you know this person shot her down and obviously something brought her back up but you don't know the exact reasoning, and it gives the reader a chance to make their own reasoning. It seems like it would fit better with the song lyrics, but if those were gone I feel like the way you have it would be fine.

I like the way you describe things, and the atmosphere you've given this story. I like the message you're conveying about someone on the end of the road and then finally finding something to give them hope. Very nicely done.

Dribble Me a Drabble Contest: The layout looks better than it did when I originally read this; it looked very thrown together and mis-matchy. It still looks a little disjointed and inconsistent, but it’s definitely an improvement. I would probably try to find another color for the text; it’s a little harsh on the eyes.

This was a really uplifting piece. It didn’t have a really strong plot, but the overall message seems more important than its delivery, so nice job. This is one of those stories to which I’d say, “Expand—give me more detail,” but I guess my word cap sort of kills that. Sorry :/ I like that she does end up proving him wrong in the end; her ex-boyfriend seemed like a real a-hole. Getting away from him was probably the best thing she ever did. Of course she hadn’t made something of herself with him—he was delivering every putdown in the book. I would love to hear that he never made anything of himself. That would be poetic justice delivered Karma-style. The song was obviously your focus here. I like it a lot. I would love to hear it put to music.

Requirements Met: 500 word cap (exempt.), word count on summary, link to contest in summary/author’s note, photo in layout/author’s note, readable layout, grammar and spelling

Brownie Points: original layout

Layout & Summary :: I like the fact that you don't have the font color as black but I don't think I would have gone for purple. Also I would change the title to 'A Dream Now and Forever', just so you have proper grammar on it. For you layouts I would add a background color for the story and chapter title and then change the color of the fonts. I like the summary. It sets up the story very well. It gives insight into what the story is about but doesn't give too much away.

Story ::
prove." were
prove," were

I had wanted to a singer.
I had wanted to [be?] a singer.

anyone no matter what their ages were.
anyone, no matter what their ages

me down, to make me
me down. To make me

I drove on for days trying to
drove on for days, trying to

believe (more like realize) that
believe--more like realize--that

all, but I only
all. But I only

I walked in ready for my appointment. I sat for a couple of minutes, read a couple of the magazines that they had out front, was called in a few minutes afterwards, introduced myself to the ones that would determine my fate from here on, and sang like my life depended on it.
Seems for robotic and choppy. Try and add more description in the section and add some periods as they are needed.

call from one of the company owners of the last company saying that I
call form of the owners of the last company saying that

I would change the random italicized second paragraph. I also like the song that you wrote. This one wan't my favorite of your's that I have read but I do like it. She went out and prooved this person wrong. It sends a good message to not let what other people think stop you from going after your dream.
And good luck in the contest, hon.

I really like this.
It's quite beautiful, & I can relate to the part about being a dreamer, now and forever.
I like the attitude you convey in this.

Good luck!