Gunpowder Lips - Comments

Yeah, Hailey, give this town a chance. Lol.

The best sentence ever being Keith Fowler was a big man. :)

Haha, that would be something if Melody did end up shooting Luther on accident.

Woot! An update! Haha. I think this was my favorite chapter so far. I'm not sure. Maybe it was the peach cobbler. Lol. I like the fact she has a gun to protect herself. My favorite part was her telling him that the only call she'll be making to him was to tell him that she shot the sonofabitch. Lol.

Okay, so there I was reading Reena's profile comments trying to figure out what I had wrote before, and I happen to read your's that held the title of a story. So I says to myself, "Why not check it out, it's not a fan-fiction, but it could be something interesting." Then I found myself at your profile, looking at the stories. A summery and 3 chapters later here I am and I am most definitely not disappointed.

That is a very interesting story you have started here, and I'd love to read more when you get it out. I liked the way you started it. It wasn't some introduction to the character, or something like that, it was just bam! here we go. I like stories like that, even though I'm pretty sure I don't have many, if any, starting like that. I like to read the stories like that not write them that way lol.

Like Reena said, layouts are hard to make, yet your's looks simple, and still looks great. A simple picture, and easily readable text. Fantastic. I don't like reading stories that have the text to small or to fancy looking to understand, or even so bright it hurts your eyes. Same thing with the background color, if its too bright I leave. Your's was surprising, as it had a simple picture, and a background color that matched, and a cream type of color for the background with the text, that was big enough to read, and not some horrid color. Complicating to make, yet simple when you look at it. The way a great layout should be.

Your writing style is great as well. Balanced, between being descriptive, and talking. That's difficult to do, because most writers tend to either get to caught up with every little detail (me...sometimes but working on it. lol) and then just skimp over the talking parts, or vise-versa, get to into talking and barely tell you what they are doing or where they are. However, you have it balanced pretty damn well, and with what you do describe, its done in a way without too many words, but still gives a person a very clear image. The way a great story should be written, balanced.

I admit, I came to this story, with very little hope at finding something worth reading. I came here thinking I would find so many things wrong with it, that I wouldn't even finish chapter one. I thought that I was going to be writing a very different comment. A comment that would have been suggesting things that you could have done differently to improve your writing. However, before I was even done with the first paragraph, I was completely sucked into the story. If there were run-on sentences, or fractions, or spelling mistakes, I couldn't tell you where they are, much less what they were. I was that into the story. You could have told me I was on fire, and I wouldn't have heard it, much less felt the heat from the flames, or the burning of my skin, I was that into it, no lie.

Don't change a single way you write, because I thoroughly enjoy it. Well at least the way this story is written. So no changing anything about it, unless you find like spelling mistakes that weren't on purpose because of the way people are talking, or grammar errors that weren't supposed to happen, then go and fix it, but other then that leave it alone. Alright.

Like I said before, you have a great start to your story, keep it up. I don't care how long it takes you to update, as long as your chapters continue to stay as impressive as they are. So yes update, but do not rush it. I will be disappointed, seeing as for an original story, this is one of the best I have ever accidentally come across. I am subscribing. Also, I feel that this story should have more readers, and comments, and subscribers then it does. Just saying.

*Pop*

That was the sound of me stealing your comment box's cherry. Hehe.

Okay, now on with my feedback.

For one, I love the layout. The layout is clear and easy to read. I know how long it takes to make a good layout, but you make it seem quick and easy.

You have a great way of writing out your stories. This one is very descriptive and has plenty of imagry. You have the telling/showing balanced and that's not an easy thing to do for most. You do have a few run-on sentences in the begining of your first chapter and a few fractions. Though I wouldn't worry about them, because I'm most positive that I have the same thing going on in all of my stories as well as other writers.

All in all, I like this story. It's very creative and seems like it'll be a great read.