Happy Birthday Lou Bear - Comments

So I was brought here by comment swap, so I have to admit that I don’t really know anything about One Direction. (This *is* One Direction, right? lol) but despite my ignorance, I enjoyed a lot of the story. It was a cute little slash story, and despite missing a lot of background, I could still appreciate what you wrote, which was nice. Sometimes, I read fan/bandom stories and just end up completely bewildered. Who are these people? What is going on?
You gave Harry and Louis some really great chemistry, like I completely believed they were best friends who were no secretly dating out of the spotlight.

Gramatically, there were a couple of places where you switched to the present tense briefly. Direct addresses to another person should be set off by commas. For example: “What? Harry [comma] today was the best present I could have asked for. You organised all this! You don’t need to give me an actual present too!”
There’s a couple of run on sentences here and there. Like “Harry frowned, Louis was lovely but he certainly wasn't a lady.” It would be better with a colon like—“Harry frowned: Louis was lovely, but he certainly wasn’t a lady.”
My only other thing is that the names can get a little repetitive, and maybe some more pronoun or epiteths use would be to shake things up a little.

But I really enjoyed the entire story. It was sweet, funny—the line about cotton candy tasting better than his cock killed me—and really well written. Great story. Keep up the excellent work.

comment-ginity like larry stylinson<33

“Shit, Harry! This cotton candy is way better than your co-”
WHAT IS AIR. WHAT IS AIR. :"D
oh, louis, what even. god they're so cute, I swear.
and I see slutty styles ;D being kissed up against a wall and what not-

and why do my sex scenes never sound like that? I feel like they feel forced... but then again I've only bother to write an intimate scene like that only once XP

larry stylinson forevah<3