Dear John - Comments

Your style of writing is so unique, I LOVED it. Congrats, I could feel her admiration and love just by reading her descriptions. Thank you for such an amazing story!

I love the way you write Liz's thought processes. it's such a unique style that I've never seen before.

I love this story so much. The first chapter was beautiful, and everything else just makes my heart hurt (but in a good way). Love love love the writing style!

The first chapter was wonderful! So much detail, but none of it was really unnecessary, and it was overdone in a good way, if that makes sense. I could not only picture the scene perfectly, but I could almost feel it.

I love your descriptions in this, or rather, the things you choose to describe.

"He laughed. It was a very pleasant, sweet laugh. Slow. Like he wanted you to take it in."

"...if I concentrated enough, I could actually hear the sound of him breathing in the smoke and the sound of the flames consuming the tobacco."

I know that sound! It seems irrelevant to describe it, but I love that you did. I don't think anyone's ever put that in a story before. Not that I've read. It's just the little things in here that make me like it so much.

I love how you describe John as a "local hero". I love all your descriptions! They're so unique and they put such a clear picture in my mind. I like the recurring theme of "inhale, exhale" and how it's connected to smoking, which is connected to that bench, and so on and so forth. I like stories that are organized like that. I also like the creativity in how you format some of the things in here. With the "greatest" lyric in the first chapter, and the "I'm sorry" in the sixth chapter. I like how you just did your own thing with it.

One thing I didn't like was how she pushed John away so much. I mean, I guess I can see how she would be embarrassed and/or confused at first, but I don't get why she would ignore all his calls and everything for two weeks. He even went to her house? I feel like that was an overreaction, not on the character's part, but on your part for writing it that way. It kind of turned me off from the story, because it sounded unrealistic and it made her seem kind of heartless. It just didn't seem like she had a good enough reason to ignore him for two weeks, especially since he was trying so hard.

I liked the last line, I think it was a good way to end the story. And it's nice you ended it on a happy note, and everything came together.

I'm just going to point out some typos/mistakes because I just can't help it alskdjflk.

At the end of the first chapter, "His eyes shot open," shot should be shoot, so it's in present tense instead of past.
In beginning of the second chapter, "with a packt full of cancer," it should be packet.
"After a couple of minutes he threw the cigarette on the floor and crushed it with his boot." I think ground would be a better word than floor, since they're outside.
"We shook hands. It was really big compared to my petite ones, and rather callused and he had a firm, strong grip on mine but not strong enough to hurt me." This part is worded a little awkwardly. Maybe try rewording it?
In chapter four: "and a lovely gleam appeared on his eyes." Maybe on should be in? I think that would sound better.
Chapter six: "that makes my eyes water from it's brightness." It's should actually be its because it is possessive and it doesn't stand for "it is".

Sometimes your wording of things was a little awkward, just because of one or two words in a sentence. You may want to work on that in the future, if you continue writing. It helps with the flow and everything.

But anyway, GOOD JOB! I really liked this, and I'm glad it didn't suck, since it was eight chapters and everything. (:

Perfection. I think you did a good job at where it ended. Pat yourself on the back, my friend. :-)

John is kind of stoopid at times. Hah. But, I give him some credit for trying to forgive.

When Is This Story Over , And When Will Yuh Write The Sequel ? I Would Love To Read It .

i could just punch him. yes, sequel please. john's confusing, he needs some explanation haha

In need of a sequel. I want to hear John's side of everything. It'd elaborate much more. :-)

I love this story. It's so different. (A good different, of course.)

in love with this.

this was so beautiful! I don't have much else to say because I loved it! great work :)