Zeitgeist - Comments

This was very interesting to read. You are right most people here on mibba find logic and philosophy to be very boring, but as for me, I do not. It's a shame there are not more comments. It's very refreshing to see how a person thinks. It seems now days that most people do not have a conscious enough mind to write something like this. I'm glad I stumbled upon this.

Thank you sir, finally someone else who can give a comprehensive look at ones work without just saying something like "OMG That was really good, liek keep up teh gud work!" I see the flaws you pointed out, and I myself have seen those in my writing, it's just a bad habit of mine that I hope can be remedied in my AP English class (I might also take a creative writing class year if I can fit it into my schedule).

I don't like to be a silent reader, and I see there aren't any other comments here so far, so I thought I'd drop by and give you a few of my thoughts. Feedback is always useful. Or at least, I think it is.

My overall impression is that this is a weird story (or possibly 'project' is more suitable, given its nature) for Mibba, but I like the fact that you're trying to do something a bit unusual. I also like that you're attempting to be less direct, both in terms of your ideas and the way you're presenting them. Most writing on this site is upfront and uncomplicated. It's not difficult to get okay or even reasonably good at that. By comparison, it takes much longer to get to the same level using verbose, formal language, metaphor and poetry. This being said, I personally think it's worth it. If this is what comes naturally to you, then you should go for it.

Some people will probably try to discourage you from taking this path, at least in part because this is the internet, and not much of an audience exists for it. You will probably find it difficult to acquire many readers unless you can be really, really good. Therefore, I also wanted to let you know which hurdles I think you most need to overcome, in case you weren't already aware of them.

Honestly, I think you can be a bit ambigous. Your colourful language, for example, sometimes crosses the line between artful and a bit vague. I can see what you're aspiring to, but I also think you're still getting there. In particular, be wary of generalisations. Even though this is a prologue, and you probably intend to explain yourself later, your argument starts out on the back foot when you make generalisations and thus risk alienating people by leaving loopholes into which they can slot their disbelief. These are all things for you to work on, but they're probably also common mistakes to make in your vein of writing.

This brings me to my last substantive point. Because what you're doing is so different, the mistakes you'll make will be very different to the ones that people write direct, casual narratives make. Writers who aren't familiar with this style probably won't recognise them as preliminary mistakes that can be easily fixed. For this reason, you can probably expect to be misunderstood a lot at first, and possibly ignored. Just remember that this doesn't mean you're bad. It only means you're striking out on your own. If you continue exploring as you are, you could get to some very interesting places indeed.

Anyway, those are my immediate thoughts. Hopefully they're of some use to you.

Good luck with writing this/with your future endeavours!