I'd just like to say that the plot was original, and I liked that about it. It seemed like it was researched before you actually wrote it, which I like a lot in stories, because most people don't care to research a topic and get all of the right facts before they delve into a something. It seems like all the facts were right, but I wouldn't really know because I don't know a lot about leukemia. I also loved the fact that Brian was in it, because I have a special place in my heart for the boy and he's my favorite out of the band. There was a confusing part that I found in the first paragraph, I believe. Louise had just recently been informed that the cancer she had as a child, leukemia, which is cancer of the body's blood-forming tissues, including the bone marrow and the lymphatic system, had come back. - That line didn't make very much sense to me, and probably would've been better if it had been rephrased to something like, Louise had just recently been informed that the cancer she had as a child, leukemia, had come back. It was a problem for her, since it destroyed the bone marrow and the lymphatic system in her body, as well as running through her blood-forming tissues. I believe something of that effect would've been easier to read. I also liked the fact that you chose a different place instead of the usual Huntington Beach area where most people place their Avenged Sevenfold stories, and how it was in Michigan. It brought life to Louise's character, which I enjoyed. Matt's humor made me laugh a bit. It was nice to see Brian concerned for his fiance. However, I didn't think that Jimmy's medical terms flowed well with the story, and it kind of gave it a stand-offish approach to it. His words made me feel like I was in a different part of the story and like I was missing something as he spoke. I totally forgot that Matt had a sister, and I was confused for a second when Louise was fluffing her dress on the day of her wedding, because I hadn't really heard of Amy before.I also enjoyed the fact that you added Lacey and Gena into the mix, because it made me feel like I was actually there, and not with some made-up characters that I didn't know too much about. The ending seemed to be cut too short and it seemed like you were in a bit of a rush to finish it. I wished you had ended it differently, like Louise falling asleep the night of her wedding and dying the next morning, and having Brian try to wake her up calmly and then breaking down as he realized that she was dead. But I did like how the ending sentence went, how happiness was only within reach, or something along those lines. It brought it out of the depressing part of the story. I liked this, despite some of the flaws I saw in it, but nothing can be perfect, right? Thank you for giving me something good to read. :)
I also loved the fact that Brian was in it, because I have a special place in my heart for the boy and he's my favorite out of the band.
There was a confusing part that I found in the first paragraph, I believe. Louise had just recently been informed that the cancer she had as a child, leukemia, which is cancer of the body's blood-forming tissues, including the bone marrow and the lymphatic system, had come back. - That line didn't make very much sense to me, and probably would've been better if it had been rephrased to something like, Louise had just recently been informed that the cancer she had as a child, leukemia, had come back. It was a problem for her, since it destroyed the bone marrow and the lymphatic system in her body, as well as running through her blood-forming tissues. I believe something of that effect would've been easier to read.
I also liked the fact that you chose a different place instead of the usual Huntington Beach area where most people place their Avenged Sevenfold stories, and how it was in Michigan. It brought life to Louise's character, which I enjoyed. Matt's humor made me laugh a bit. It was nice to see Brian concerned for his fiance.
However, I didn't think that Jimmy's medical terms flowed well with the story, and it kind of gave it a stand-offish approach to it. His words made me feel like I was in a different part of the story and like I was missing something as he spoke.
I totally forgot that Matt had a sister, and I was confused for a second when Louise was fluffing her dress on the day of her wedding, because I hadn't really heard of Amy before.I also enjoyed the fact that you added Lacey and Gena into the mix, because it made me feel like I was actually there, and not with some made-up characters that I didn't know too much about.
The ending seemed to be cut too short and it seemed like you were in a bit of a rush to finish it. I wished you had ended it differently, like Louise falling asleep the night of her wedding and dying the next morning, and having Brian try to wake her up calmly and then breaking down as he realized that she was dead. But I did like how the ending sentence went, how happiness was only within reach, or something along those lines. It brought it out of the depressing part of the story.
I liked this, despite some of the flaws I saw in it, but nothing can be perfect, right? Thank you for giving me something good to read. :)