When Did This End? - Comments

Got here from comment swap.

Gosh I had forgotten how much I used to love Blood On The Dance Floor until I read this story! There really aren't enough stories about Jayy on here.

So firstly I like your layout, the banner is really nice. I can't fault your spelling in this but the grammar needs work, I'd suggest getting a beta reader, they're really nice. I noticed multiple times where a sentence didn't really make much sense or where yo used a word that you shouldn't have. I'm not saying that you're a bad writer, just that you need to read over your work.

I like the idea, but I've read this kind of this too many times, you need something to stand out from the crowd. Some of the chapters seem a little rushed too, but still, I think you're a nice writer and you have huge potential with this story. Keep it up!

Update plz

Hello! Comment swap brought me here, otherwise, I would never read a story about these characters seeing as I'm not a Dan of this band. But, that's the beauty of the comment swap, bringing you stories you wouldn't look for.

I think this story has a decent plot, you just seem to bounce around from one thing to another without really there being a understanding why. For example, she's reading texts from her friend and two seconds later she's jumping out the window and running in the rain... Why? I think if you slowed the story down a bit and explained things some more, you can have something really special on your hands. Keep it up!

I love this O: <3