The Death of Red Riding Hood - Comments

  • Elephant PJs

    Elephant PJs (365)

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    I love the title - the immediate intrigue is so clever. However, I was a bit disappointed by your summary. It comes off quite forced, bratty and doesn't reflect Cassandra's voice. Honestly, I think the "How dare she?" would've been perfect. Simple and curious.

    I'm not a huge fan of the white on red layout either. I'd actually be happy to make you a new layout if you want? Flick me a PM if you're interested.

    Now the actual story is awesome. I love that evil twist you've put on Red's character. I was wondering what the motivation for her death would be, but it became clear pretty quickly.

    My favourite part was easily where Athelstan first entered. It was so dark and kinda sexy. Haha. I do wish you'd spent some more time developing his character and his relationship with Cassandra, just because he is so fascinating! Not to mention, that ending was spectacular. That final line was brilliant.

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, but like the comment below mine, it did feel a little rushed. With a bit more filling, this could be even better. I love your take on the fairy tale and good luck in the contest!
    July 1st, 2014 at 12:56pm
  • squidward tentacles.

    squidward tentacles. (255)

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    This was an interesting new take on the Red Riding Hood tale. I thought it was a little rushed; maybe you could add more chapters in between the beginning and conclusion. But still, I liked the unique spin on it. Totally loved the ending line too. :)
    October 28th, 2012 at 08:03am
  • Barbielovesyou

    Barbielovesyou (100)

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    Wow, not what I was expecting, but seriously...AWESOME! I loved the drama and I hated the way Jessica talked toward Cassandra, I say she deserved it! *In your face!* lol! Loved the twist though, very neat! :)
    September 27th, 2012 at 09:54pm
  • Syrena

    Syrena (100)

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    Nice title! It certainly gives away a lot about the story, but it’s very interesting! I love twisted fairy tales, and Red Riding Hood is a favourite of mine.
    Your summary is very intriguing. It is very clever-using only two sentences makes the reader want to read more, especially when it is so interesting!
    The layout is good; however the contrast between the white and the red makes it a little bright and hard to read. I personally had hardly any trouble, but if you perhaps tinted it a slight shade of red it might make it easier to look at?
    Your first chapter is a good start to a story. You introduce your characters well and give enough background information on them for the reader to understand their actions, however there was no description of Jessica Daniels, except for her pretty red cape and ‘new assets’. Other than that, this chapter was well written with only a couple of grammatical errors.
    Oooh I love your second chapter! You’ve made Red Riding Hood the bad guy and the wolf the ‘good guy’, but they’re kind of both as evil as each other! And this mysterious lamb certainly drives me to read on! The only thing that brought this chapter down a little bit was a few mistakes, but they weren’t too noticeable (It was only because I was looking)
    3rd chapter-Athelstan is a cool name for the wolf! This chapter was a HUGE twist in the original tale. I love it!!! The last line, ‘Just like a little lamb,’ just finishes the chapter off perfectly!
    Is this the end of the story, or is there more?
    Ps Thank-you for paragraphing!!!!! (I hate reading stories with no paragraphs)
    July 16th, 2012 at 08:08am
  • YouMakeMeSmile!

    YouMakeMeSmile! (150)

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    Amazing. I got excited at the title, thinking back to when I watched the newer movie made Red Riding hood. I like this twist and how its written.

    The layout is nice and readable, the paragraphs are nicely spaced, and it makes me want more! You are an excellent writer and I hope this story gets pletny of comments because its really good! Keep writing :)
    June 9th, 2012 at 07:59pm
  • hephaestus

    hephaestus (1155)

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    Chapter One: This certainly is a twist on a classic tale and I do say that I am enjoying it. Who knew that Little Red could have ever been a villian?! With that said, there were a few errors I did see, like lack of commas or even the paragraph spacing. Just a quick fix and it should be fine.

    I'll have to read the rest some other time, but truly, GREAT WORK. Keep writing and just go through it carefully and you'll find some of the easier mistakes. Good work(:
    June 9th, 2012 at 07:18pm
  • Emrys

    Emrys (100)

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    one word. WOW!!! i love it. for once i love the idea that red riding hood is the bad guy and she was an evil btch!!! you have blown my mind with so few words. and for that i thank you. i love love love this. amazing hook and even better follow-through. well done!!
    January 14th, 2012 at 01:46am