Dust - Comments

Oh my gosh. I think I am in love with this story, even though it's one chapter long!

The sense of urgancy within the first three paragraphs is just astounding. Is it weird to say that I was getting chills while reading the prologue? Because I did. I really like how you began the story with a handful of action and mystery. It really makes me want to read more, and brings so many questions in my head about what exactly happened and stuff.

I think my favorite part was the ending. It was just so... creepy in a way, but interesting. Like I said before, this is a fantastic story even if there is only a prologue!

What the---?!?! WHY? Words just can't describe how disappointed I am at the fact that this has not been continued. The descriptions were just so vivid that I could just see the blood painted walls in my mind's eye. Although I did have a good idea who the 'it' was thanks to the summary, but I still wanted to know. I still wanted to find out what 'it' was and why 'it' had done what it did. I still want to I should say.The cliffhanger makes me wonder how Tony Stark/ Iron Man gets involved in all of this. Why did you have to stop?

On another note the presentation ( layout ) is absolutely gorgeous. I'm trying to understand the title and how something so beautiful can be associated with something so horrid like those deaths in the prologue. My only complaint would have to be the extremely small text. I had to read it in the default layout just to be able to read it, but that's just my bad eye sight.

Please just continue writing this! <3

Ahh, why is this on hiatus? I want to know what happened! Haha.

I adore your layout, it's gorgeous. The banner is really lovely and I love the border you have. The story was really interesting as well, I've never read any Tony Stark/Iron Man stories, but this one is really awesome. I love the way you kind of mixed a fantasy feeling in with it and made it very…mysterious, I guess you could say.

The first paragraph threw me off a little though, the sentences seemed very long; not exactly run-on but they almost seemed to drag a bit, if you know what I mean. The rest of the story went on nicely though, that was the only thing that I noticed.

I loved the last paragraph; it was really unexpected and awesome. I hope you continue writing this, because what you have so far is really awesome!

First of all, I am completely in love with the layout. The colors that you chose for the two backgrounds complement each other and go very nicely with the banner. Speaking of the banner, it’s breath-taking and almost gave me the idea that the story was going to be fantasy-related. Now on to the story, the opening sentence was brilliant. It didn’t reveal too much, but just a little to really catch my attention. I was very interested in figuring out why there was shouting guards and why an alarm was going off.

I was intrigued by this story once I came to the end. Who is this creature? Tell me please, haha.

I couldn’t find any faults in your writing except for this sentence:

He was now wishing that he hadn't taken Kevin up on the offer of switching shifts him.

I think you probably forget to add with to the sentence so that it read:

He was now wishing that he hadn't taken Kevin up on the offer of switching shiftswith him.