Teal. - Comments

  • Timeless

    Timeless (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    30
    Location:
    United States
    I just looked at the pictures for your characters, I knew it was Matt Smith playing Julian! I knew it <3 (I did a happy, jumpy dance up discovering this)
    April 27th, 2013 at 06:46am
  • Timeless

    Timeless (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    30
    Location:
    United States
    First off don't be too disappointed in me, but I just realized that the man in your picture was Matt Smith. I can't believe I missed that :(

    Second, wow! I loved this. However, now that I realized who the man in the picture is I keep imaging Matt Smith as Julian and it cracks me up slightly because I think of the Doctor at the same time xD I love how Julian has seem to open up more to Teal and Teal to him. I already told you that I'm in love with these characters. I'm glad you choose to rewrite this chapter even though it was difficult for you. :) as always, you have inspired me to write (On Chasing Echoes).

    Keep up the good work.
    April 26th, 2013 at 07:42pm
  • rosamarie

    rosamarie (1045)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United States
    Hallo! I'm so glad you finally updated this after so long, and the chapter definitely doesn't disappoint. Keep up the good work, because you know I'll definitely keep reading :)
    April 26th, 2013 at 01:12am
  • Scarlet Witch

    Scarlet Witch (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    63
    Location:
    United States
    Comment Swap:

    honestly I wasn't going to comment on your layout, I liked it but I came here to read he story and it was amazing and very detailed. You have a real talent when it comes to writing and to say I couldn't stop reading would be an understatement. Can't wait for the next chapter.
    April 14th, 2013 at 04:17am
  • discoveringclouds

    discoveringclouds (200)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    31
    Location:
    Canada
    @ LettersToNormandy
    Oh dear.

    Good thing my cousins live in Manchester.

    I suggest you go into hiding.
    March 4th, 2013 at 01:58am
  • LettersToNormandy

    LettersToNormandy (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    32
    Location:
    United States
    @discoveringclouds

    I've killed the entire population of London.

    Help.
    March 3rd, 2013 at 11:49pm
  • discoveringclouds

    discoveringclouds (200)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    31
    Location:
    Canada
    The whole city is drowned at this point. That faucet has been on too long!
    March 3rd, 2013 at 10:55pm
  • rosamarie

    rosamarie (1045)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United States
    So a little while back, someone told me I should read this since I liked Winter Wakes. I never got around to it, but randomly decided to, today. I've spent the last couple of hours enraptured in this story, and I really hope you get to updating it again soon! You're doing a fantastic job with a guy, since I know you really just write for girls, and as for Teal, I LOVE her character! She's so...different, just bluntly truthful, and reminds me a bit of myself, really. I hope you finish this story!
    February 18th, 2013 at 03:49am
  • Alsoldey

    Alsoldey (230)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    United States
    Oh man! That bold warning she gave was just so...ballsy, I definitely applaud you for doing that. I've never read something like that before, but I'm only on the first chapter, and by the way I don't understand how anyone could complain about your layout. It seems pretty okay and eye appealing to me.

    But anyway, onto the writing itself. Amazing, awesome, and ugh, woman I'm definitely recommending and reading the rest. So keep up the awesome writing ;D
    January 24th, 2013 at 06:54am
  • squidward tentacles.

    squidward tentacles. (255)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    71
    Location:
    United States
    I really like your writing. Your plots are always very interesting, and I become immersed in your character's lives because they're so unique unto themselves. I love Teal. :)
    November 13th, 2012 at 08:31am
  • d0wn the rabbit hole

    d0wn the rabbit hole (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    26
    Location:
    Great Britain (UK)
    I thought this was going to be dr who based which confused me but i went with the flow and this is really well written, Teal is such an interesting character but the thing is I really don't like her, which can be seen as a good think because i generally like reading about characters I don't like but whatever. You're writing is actually quite satirical at times, but you do it so effortlessly I'm not even sure if you mean to do it! You're writing is so elegant, really is the only word to describe it, I love it! Great job!
    November 2nd, 2012 at 05:52pm
  • Pat Kirch.

    Pat Kirch. (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    26
    Location:
    Great Britain (UK)
    Okay, I've come here from Comment Swap and have only read the first two chapters, but I have to say that this story has an incredibly promising opening. I like the way you describe things and your characters really intrigue me. I'll definetely come back and read the rest soon, this is a great piece of writing so far.There is something about this i simply adore. Love it.
    October 22nd, 2012 at 03:47am
  • colibri

    colibri (150)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    94
    Location:
    Canada
    This has a very interesting base. I like the plot, and I love the characters. Everything about this is interesting, and I really do adore it. The thing I found, though, a little troubling, was the structure of sentences. There should be more details. Small details. Details about how a person moves, and what they look like. Otherwise the character isn't so interesting, you know? But I found them interesting. It's just that you need more character movement. In that I mean details about their facial muscles, and body, and how it works with different emotions. Because that fascinates people. Simple subject matter is good practice, and in general. People enjoy plot, and it makes a lot of money, but people appreciate style, too. Style and structure. The Old Man and the Sea didn't have a spectacular plot, but it was beautiful. It was full of such clean-cut, wonderful words. Words are everything. Down to the very last 'the'. Everything depends on words sometimes. But I really adore how interesting I found this. I love Teal. She is fascinating, and cool. I love her personality already. She would be so much more beautiful if you gave her movement, though. She needs feeling, she needs gestures, she needs more. Sit down for a little while and look at your hands and your movements. Maybe look in the mirror, too. Imagine you're the character, in the situation you want them to be in. Think of how they would act. Not in speech, but in movement and feeling. Does she rub her fingers together when she's nervous or thinking? Does she put her head down and whisper to herself? Does she trace the lines on her palm or count the lines in her sweater? Little things like this not only add bulk to your story, but beauty as well.

    I will subscribe to this. :)
    October 1st, 2012 at 02:58am
  • discoveringclouds

    discoveringclouds (200)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    31
    Location:
    Canada
    The faucet is still running, it's going to drive me mad! How long until you next update? An hour? A day? Two weeks? Who knows how much water will spill and drown them! Oh the horror. I was so hoping to make it to their wedding. With a sigh I press Submit. The dear characters are left unaware of the drowning technology that could lead to their drowning end.
    September 8th, 2012 at 01:32am
  • the god of thunder.

    the god of thunder. (300)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    United States
    Often when I read, I succumb to skimming the words and trying to find something of interest to prove I'll want to keep reading. But when I started reading this, it was so elegant and vivid that I had absolutely no problem taking my time absorbing your words. I don't want to read for only your plot, but also for the imagery. The way you use your words goes so much beyond the basic and even the semi-advanced. You have a beautiful blend of symbolism, character, and description and it's just... absorbing.

    Oh man, I love the way Julian and Teal converse. Your characters are separate from each other. Though they provoke emotional response from one another, they don't get lost in a blend. Julian seems pretty snarky but not in completely pretentious way, while Teal appears to be a tiny bit whimsical but holds such an intelligence. I'm excited to see these characters come rolling out in their true forms later on.

    Are you English? I spent a little time in England and your descriptions really match the atmosphere of what I felt when I was there. Specifically, it feels like I'm encased in this warm glass of surreal pictures while there's a cozy coldness outside- that's my somatosensory response.

    And now... I'm going to stop harping on this first chapter and keep reading. XD
    August 18th, 2012 at 04:53am
  • Lil'Biskette

    Lil'Biskette (150)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    Canada
    Hello I am from comment swap.

    You have just relieved me fom my last comment swap. Your writting is genius. This is just so beautifly written, everything flows and your descriptions are just flawless.

    Your characters are amazing and I am in love with them, I am in love with your writting. I love your title ( I love one worded titles weird I know) but the only thing I have to critisice is that when writing a title you need no commas or periods.

    Back to your sentances which are ridiculously amazing. You are so gramatically correct and well written.

    I have no critisism for you. Job well done, keep it up. I recoment this.
    August 17th, 2012 at 03:29am
  • The.Archivist

    The.Archivist (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    United States
    Wow, is about all I can say. I would love to be able to go on and on about how perfectly crafted this is but I can't.
    You have two incredible characters here that I cannot wait to learn more about, particularly this mysterious incident at the Florida book signing.
    I know it has been some time since you first started writing this, but i urge you to continue. Find something that rekindles your ideas for this story, it is absolutely brilliant.
    August 8th, 2012 at 09:06pm
  • TheThirdAngel357

    TheThirdAngel357 (110)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    United States
    So, I'm not going to tell you if I'm from comment swap or not because I think that has nothing to do with the fact that your story is magic. I absolutely love it.

    From the summary, you had me hooked. At first, I thought it was going to be some fantasy, supernatural story because of the way you describe Teal, but in essence, that's just her in general. She's other worldly.

    At first, the beginning was hard to read because it jumped around a bit, but it quickly changed pace and flowed very smoothly. I love how debonair Giles and Claire is. They glow movie star from their looks all the way down to how they spoke to others.

    When I think about the starting plot, I thought "A celebrity confronting paparazzi, but it turns out to be just an ordinary chick" could be dull, but you make it-- you make it breathe. You brought such a simple idea (I say simple in the utmost flattery) to its full potential until it is literally oozing awesomeness.

    I loved how you put in the "Just like an American" thing because most authors would be worried about offending an American or be considered discriminatory. But the truth is, that's how people talk about other nationalities.

    "Just like the British."
    "Just like the French."
    "Just like an American." We all, unfortunately, think those things and I think it's very cool that you went with it anyway.

    I give this 10/10.

    Great job!
    August 8th, 2012 at 03:25am
  • discoveringclouds

    discoveringclouds (200)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    31
    Location:
    Canada
    Although the King is often irked by the lack of dialogue in stories, the way you flow over the cliche lines and actions of others in Julian's life works well. We don't want to see it. You are right to skim it, tell us the little details, saving us for the things you are building to. The King appreciates this and accepts your union of comradeship. He will never again behead a chocolate bar without a fleeting thought to the writer with an honest pen.

    The sweet description brought a whole scene to mind: The new resident had just begun moving in that morning, two hours ago. Given the sudden sweep of snowy weather the noise was possibly understandable.

    A sweep of snowy weather. Comforting to know that the character reacts to the weather situation and takes understanding from it!

    Most of the description is biased to Julian, using his own thoughts might make the details a little less calling to him just being the narrator.

    Chapter two, two spelling mistakes I saw: "has" was to be "as" and "fend of" was to be "fend off."

    Fantastic second chapter, the King enjoyed the quip at the end. ;)

    -Knights
    August 7th, 2012 at 10:57pm
  • discoveringclouds

    discoveringclouds (200)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    31
    Location:
    Canada
    Dear Letters To Normandy,

    The King sends his regards and finest remarks on your layout. The way the teal brightens against the beige truly brought him into a reverie. The Knights are considering changing a part of our uniform to teal and beige now. What a fantastic colour combination!

    We hardly feel the need to look past your spectacularly chosen layout and picture. It's just right, what more would one need?

    Tides flow on. Just mere weeks ago the King would have beheaded frivolous commenters on fantastic stories, he feels there is a special dungeon for those you hint to on your first author's note.

    We jest. The king only beheads chocolate bars, and that, only occasionally. For stories that bring him into thought and intrigue him. Stories like yours. Although others were caught up by your layout, we followed your story, and we still wish to add that the layout added a healthy flow to your story.

    The unique plot and characters have us wondering at the already clearly noble traits of the two main characters. Although you did reveal a tad much in the summary, we no not of how we would understand your story so much otherwise. Perhaps later in the story?

    The court jester even paused for a moment over your comment section to jeer at the layout obsessed comments. He's a bit of a prat and we sent him off to read ballads to the King.

    Also the King says that it is "bout of laughter" not "bought of laughter."

    We enjoyed the characters interaction and look forward to reading more. Although this is incredibly rare, the King demands we subscribe.

    Thus, we bid thee adieu for now, for we are yours.

    Truly,

    The Knights of Comment Swap
    August 7th, 2012 at 09:54pm