Teal. - Comments

From Comment Swap~

I doubt I’ve ever read a story like this before, but holy crap, this needs to have more love than it has already. This is absolutely amazing. Julian and Teal are such awesome characters; they shine, even if we don’t know much about them at this point in the story. I like that Julian one of those kind-of-serious characters, and Teal is just an all-around fun character to read about. This off-setting of personalities in these characters really add something to the story; your descriptions of them in this are so vivid and lovely. I wish I could pull all of that off, haha.

Anyways, I greatly enjoyed what I’ve read so far. I’m definitely subbing and reccing this and will return to read more chapters when I can. Great job! (: <3

I really like this! At first, I wasn't too sure about it (probably because I was in a bad mood at one point) but it really pulled me in! Teal is such an interesting main girl character. She's not annoying or hard to relate to. Of course we don't know a whole lot about her but she's a very real and unique! I found it hilariously ironic that Teal is the author of that book that Julian thinks is atrocious.

The thing that I like most about this is your writing style. After reading Winter Wakes, which you started a while ago, I've noticed that you have really improved. You've really come a long way!

The only mistakes I've noticed is only near you're dialogue. Sometimes you would put a period instead of a comma. Sometimes you would fail to capitalize or forget to do so as well. But it's nothing a little editing won't fix.

I can't wait to see where you go with this! Keep up the good work!

Your summary does a lovely job of hooking without giving away anything which is often a hard balance to strike. Your dialogue is really realistic! There were no awkward lines where I had to stop like, "who talks like that?".

Your characters are incredibly realistic as well. You do a great job of developing their personalities without listing their characteristics and traits. Strong female characters seem to be uncommon in the types of stories that I tend to read. Teal is strong and independent but also much more than that like any real person.

The relationship between Julian and Teal is perfect. Like the way they challenge each other but also compliment each other it's just fantastic.

I'm just struck by how REAL this story feels. I was really sucked into it.

The description definitely hooked me so good job with that, that's something I always struggle with! Your story seems very good so far, I think that more description in a few places would be good, but other then that I really like your style and your way of just easy dialog while still sort of packing a punch is very interesting. I really like how you describe her also, and there is a very realistic part to their relationship as well as a very almost fantasy fueled edge. I hope that that made sense! hah! Good story I'll keep on with it (:

Co-star has a hyphen.

I like the summary, it's construced very beautifully and sets up a lot of really nice imagery, like her constantly dashing in out of her life and entertwining into it, the complete enigma that she is, you've done a really good job painting the picture of what the story was about in a very poetic sort of way. :3

I love the contrast between them, and the sort of biting, bitter but still they sort of fit well together, with how they both know how to get under each other's skin but like no one else can, and that's a special connection. I thought crack was a weird word though, doesn't really fit well with ticks and whatnot? The given the cold sentence also seems a little run-on, and a lot stuffed into one sentence, aha.

Sentences are not mini-vans. xD

I like that the dialogue too, it's not forced but it flows really well, and it's very realistic. I like the sort of tit for tat that they have going on, and it really delves and expresses their relationship really well! It's a really good showing and not telling that I think is really important in novels, and you got it down really well! c:

Comment Swap!

Your first few lines could use some touching up, it didn’t quite intrigue me, but the second paragraph got me excite and I kept reading. You lack some descriptions in certain areas, just remember that you have to trap us in your story and stop us from wondering off. There are also spots that seem to skip as if it was a scratched disk. Read this out to yourself aloud and see if you can notice what I have. Using a lot more similes will add to your characters profile, mention key items like clothing, shoe laces that need tying, the way their hair is done or if their rooms are clean. Slowly build a character one brick at a time and you’ll keep the reads following you. The tone you are using is very well done and suits your story but I would match the tone every chapter depending on the main character’s behaviour. This will make the reader assume how this character feels in the room, towards someone, or the idea of a certain thought, giving us the insight we need to become emotionally attached towards them.

Thanks for the read and I hope you keep writing because this has potential.

I really, really enjoyed this! This descriptions were really excellent, very vivid and detailed. It felt to me that you focused equally on the dialogue, characters and setting the scene, which I appreciated. A lot of people on here focus on one too much or too little, so this made a nice change! The story isn't predictable and seems complex, which again made a pleasant change. Keep up the good work!

where to start. okay im just glad i did comment swap and came across this amazing story. ive only read the first chapter and i am already in awe. im usually more into the fantasy genre but this one got my attention. the name teal is very unique and creative imo. and i can viivdly imagine her character. excellent choice of words btw. im sorry i had to do this but good job on the layout. i cant wait to read more so im giving it a try and subscribing. (:

Thank you so much for writing such an amazing story. This is not like anything I've ever read before. Your characters are your own; very unique and easy to relate to. I've fallen in love with Teal...her name is so strong and so is she. Teal has a lovely personality although she is a bit rough around the edges, but that is why I love her! Great job, and keep up the good work. =]

The first paragraph of the prologue confused me a bit because of the tense changes. I don't know if it's just me reading it wrong, but it was a bit confusing so maybe you should look into it just in case.

“So, which paper do you work for?” He asked levelly. He doesn't need to be capitalized.

I think Julian is a very interesting character. I've always liked stories about people who are famous (original characters), but most that I've read tend to over exaggerate and it kills the whole thing. From what I've read so far, your characterization is very well done.

I'm not in the mood to read long stories right now, but I will definitely subscribe and come back to this later.

I adore the layout and the picture. It’s lovely. I feel that the sentence “He never expected another girl to dash that all away with a few words during a short conversation on a cold November day.” Could maybe be written differently. It just doesn’t seem to flow that well to me. You are very descriptive. I like this and look forward to reading more.

My GAWD. Why is this not more popular. I love Julian and Teal. They are such wonderful characters, and when Julian gets all curious, I started to think, "Curiouser and curiouser." Ha, like Alice. But this is wonderful. You're voice in this is so amazing and artistic, and you sound really author-ish in the notes. ;-; Why can't I sound like that?

The only thing I noticed was sometimes you left words out, or added another letter, little things that are so easily fixed, but I just wanted to point at. But this is still extremely amazing, and wonderful. Teal is definitely going to be a fun character to see more the dynamics of, as well as Julian. I like how you have him portrayed at Matt Smith at the top, because it completely fits his persona for some reason.

But, as said before, wonderful and beautifully written. So happy I came across it in Comment Swap. <3

-Comment Swap-

Pardon my french but, Holy Shit. This is so amazing. I love Teal, and Julian, and everything. The descriptions are so vivid, it's truly beautiful. I love the layout, though I do think it should be a bit more narrow. Anyway, This story is complex and I can tell you put a lot of thought into it.

Subscribed and Recommended. <3

I really love this story so far. Of course I've only read the prologue and the first chapter right now, because I really like it.

You characters are really interesting. I love Teal, she's so intriguing, but still not really out of the ordinary, I guess. I'm still warming up to Julian, but I kind of feel bad for him so I'm sure I'll end up liking him a lot as well.

Unlike everyone else though, I wasn't a huge fan of the layout. I liked the background, but the banner -picture was a bit long for my liking and the fact that there was big white spaces on either side of the picture kind of threw me off a bit.

I feel like the summary was a bit long as well. It seemed like you explained half the story in there, and maybe it's just a person preference, but I like when summaries add to the mystery of the story.

Your grammar and punchtuation is really good and added to the flow of your chapters, there was just one thing I noticed:
“I know. Better to fend of the nagging agents.”
Of should be off there.

overall, I really like the feeling you've created with this story and the plot seems very thought out and interesting. I'm going to go finish reading the rest of it now. Well done! (:

Firstly, I love the layout and the image you chose. I really like the ideas you've put into the story so far! I'm subscribing and recommending. This is so good, it really is. I hate pointing out mistakes therefore I'm not going to point out any.

This was an interesting chapter. I really liked that you showed two sides to Teal--and that begs the questions: which one is the real Teal?

You are so good at keeping secrets, and that seriously draws me back to this story every time I read it. :) Now, about these updates, don't push yourself. It's better to have amazing chapter updates like this instead of crappy everyday updates. You're totally worth the wait <3

Sorry, my first comment is failing...

First of I really like the layout. The summary made me think of Stargirl a little bit. I think it's interesting that she paid enough attention to her surroundings to see Claire with the other guy because most people don't.

First of I really like the layout. The summary made me think of Stargirl a little bit. I think it's interesting that she was able to predict he and Claire would break up.

I must say the first paragraph of the blurb didn’t really inspire me to read it, though I found what followed to be very intriguing, especially with the use of binary opposites and the metaphor of the girl being teal. After reading the first chapter, I’m not sure that I like the main characters but I do find their interactions interesting :)

love it! i am intrigued about her past And lovely ending of the chapter!! <3