Right or Left - Comments

As previous comments have mentioned, definitely try and find a layout. Just something to give the story colour and tie it all together.

I actually really really love this story. I love the characters and the suspense and above all, the mystery. You do a very good job of keeping the reader engaged. However, I think you get so caught up in the dialogue that you skim over the details of everything else which takes away from the story just a tiny bit.

I hope you update soon!! I'm dying to see what happens next!! :)

Woot, woot, comment swap!

So, I like the general premise of the story, as far as I understand it. You have a pretty good grasp of characterization and suspense-building, which I appreciate a lot. The story could stand with a little more fleshing out and detail, though, and I agree with the last commenter that a custom layout and a description would do it wonders.

Overall, you have an interesting story and no issues that a beta reader couldn't fix. It needs a bit of polishing, and it'll be great. B)

Firstly, I would suggest getting a custom layout, from experience I know stories that are amazing don't get justice unless they have a custom layout. I really think you need a description as well because I don't really know where the whole story is going.
However, you do have some talent which is good and I think the story itself is getting better as it goes along. The idea of the party seems really fun and I finished reading the first chapter with a smile.
Just keep it up and make improvements and then you'll start to notice that people are starting to notice you <3
Sadie Jaye Blue xxx