First off, I really admire that you chose to write your own summary as opposed to just using a quote or some song lyrics. I thought the summary did exactly what a good summary should. It gave me a grasp on what I was getting into without giving the entire plot away. Though I thought that the layout was fitting for the story and the subject matter, the white text on black background is really difficult for me to read.
I was really immersed in all of the different layers of this story. I liked that, even though the romance was very prominent, there was also the added aspects of thriller and mystery involved, which definitely made this an interesting read. I loved how you portrayed the various relationships between all of the characters through little bits of dialogue and gestures instead of just telling them outright, which unfortunately, not enough writers do. I thought your descriptions were amazing, and I loved how you described the different facets of emotions that the characters were experiencing. I also loved how your descriptions focused not only on the visuals, but they also encompassed the other sensory elements of each event. I thought that the overall flow of this piece was spot-on, so it wasn’t work having to read through it. Also, I really thought that the dialogue between the characters felt very natural instead of being forced, stiff, or unrealistic as a lot of dialogue tends to read as. Although I usually don’t go for alternating points of view, especially in the course of only a oneshot, I thought you really pulled it off well. I thought the moments of rape and self-harm were also handled tastefully and realistically, which is also something that I haven’t seen done well often in stories. I also enjoyed the fact that, despite the intensity and serious subject matter of this fic, you chose to end the piece on a more optimistic note, and I feel like the ending really suited the story and helped give it some balance.
This is usually where I comment on the things that I felt needed improvement in the piece, but I don’t really have much constructive criticism to give. I didn’t catch any grammatical errors aside from a few comma things here and there, but it didn’t detract from my reading and comprehension of the piece. The only thing that I have to say felt off for me was that, because I’m not familiar with the fandom you’ve chosen, I wasn’t able to visualize any of the characters because you didn’t provide much physical description. Of course, I’m not implying that I want to read paragraphs upon paragraphs of nothing but physical description, but a few descriptions of physical features woven in here and there would’ve made the story that much better. I felt like I had next to nothing to work with in that department.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece, and I can tell that you put a lot of thought and effort into the story, which I appreciate. Thanks for entering!
I was really immersed in all of the different layers of this story. I liked that, even though the romance was very prominent, there was also the added aspects of thriller and mystery involved, which definitely made this an interesting read. I loved how you portrayed the various relationships between all of the characters through little bits of dialogue and gestures instead of just telling them outright, which unfortunately, not enough writers do. I thought your descriptions were amazing, and I loved how you described the different facets of emotions that the characters were experiencing. I also loved how your descriptions focused not only on the visuals, but they also encompassed the other sensory elements of each event. I thought that the overall flow of this piece was spot-on, so it wasn’t work having to read through it. Also, I really thought that the dialogue between the characters felt very natural instead of being forced, stiff, or unrealistic as a lot of dialogue tends to read as. Although I usually don’t go for alternating points of view, especially in the course of only a oneshot, I thought you really pulled it off well. I thought the moments of rape and self-harm were also handled tastefully and realistically, which is also something that I haven’t seen done well often in stories. I also enjoyed the fact that, despite the intensity and serious subject matter of this fic, you chose to end the piece on a more optimistic note, and I feel like the ending really suited the story and helped give it some balance.
This is usually where I comment on the things that I felt needed improvement in the piece, but I don’t really have much constructive criticism to give. I didn’t catch any grammatical errors aside from a few comma things here and there, but it didn’t detract from my reading and comprehension of the piece. The only thing that I have to say felt off for me was that, because I’m not familiar with the fandom you’ve chosen, I wasn’t able to visualize any of the characters because you didn’t provide much physical description. Of course, I’m not implying that I want to read paragraphs upon paragraphs of nothing but physical description, but a few descriptions of physical features woven in here and there would’ve made the story that much better. I felt like I had next to nothing to work with in that department.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece, and I can tell that you put a lot of thought and effort into the story, which I appreciate. Thanks for entering!