I am going to give a you a few tips and try not to be overbearing while I do it. >.>
You tend to leave off periods and commas at the end of sentences like this one: "We're here"
There should be a small case after use of dialogue with a comma instead of upper case like so:"Hello, I don't believe I ordered any light snacks," Although "Hello, I don't believe I ordered any light snacks," although
Instead of using capitalization to put emphasis on working try putting bold.
Um, I think that is all that I caught grammatically speaking. The title seems a little too long. You usually want them to be short and catchy so people have an easier time remembering them. Instead of using that quote as a title try using it in the summary and changing the title to something pertaining to memories. This whole chapter seemed odd, but I liked it anyways. Which has to say something about you as an author. Also I would try to use correct capitalization in the title, because you can actually get in trouble for it, hon. But, yeah, I really liked the whole thing. Again, whatever I said was suggestions, you do not have to listen to me. Sorry if I came off rude. I swear I am trying to work on it.
You tend to leave off periods and commas at the end of sentences like this one:
"We're here"
There should be a small case after use of dialogue with a comma instead of upper case like so:"Hello, I don't believe I ordered any light snacks," Although
"Hello, I don't believe I ordered any light snacks," although
Instead of using capitalization to put emphasis on working try putting bold.
Um, I think that is all that I caught grammatically speaking.
The title seems a little too long. You usually want them to be short and catchy so people have an easier time remembering them. Instead of using that quote as a title try using it in the summary and changing the title to something pertaining to memories. This whole chapter seemed odd, but I liked it anyways. Which has to say something about you as an author. Also I would try to use correct capitalization in the title, because you can actually get in trouble for it, hon. But, yeah, I really liked the whole thing. Again, whatever I said was suggestions, you do not have to listen to me. Sorry if I came off rude. I swear I am trying to work on it.