Violet Sparks - Comments

For the Mibba Rev contest.

I sincerely apologize for how long it took for me to finally comment your story. There honestly is no real is reason or excuse that I could give. Since the other stories submitted for the contest have since been deleted I really having nothing to compare this to. I do hope this comment is considered a good enough one though. =(

Layout

I like how simple the layout is and that the colors related to the user you chose to include in it. At first I thought you had forgotten about the photo until I finished reading and saw the link.

Story

I thought I spotted a mistake but then I considered the fact that you might not be from the states. We spell realize/realized with a "z" rather than an "s" which is why I thought it was misspelled at first. Aside from that there wasn't other mistakes worth mentioning. Story wise I like how the first paragraph was written. I guess it's because it pretty much tells the reader about the rest of the story. I really don't know how to explain that better.

The awkward small talk between Violet and Jimmy was amusing. I wouldn't have been able to handle being stuck in an elevator with someone I couldn't have a proper conversation with. Just being stuck in an elevator alone would have been bad enough. The way you have Jimmy written makes him sound really sweet. His eagerness for the spontaneous get-away made him sound a teensy bit childish though. I just can't wrap my mind around the really Jimmy doing that if he was still around. I also don't know much about him personality wise which makes my opinion invalid anyway. :)

The third part of this felt like it went a little faster than the other two. It's still great but maybe adding a bit more on what they did before he took the photo would have made it even better. Or adding something funny afterwards. Either way it was still good. I really liked it even though this comment is a little small. Had the story been somewhat longer I probably would have been able to leave a better comment. I guess my only advice would have been to split these into separate chapters. That too could have made it feel like the story didn't go as fast. To each his own though.

If the contest hadn't been abandoned I think I would have wanted this one to win. I apologize again for forgetting. I didn't have much to go on but I still hope this comment is acceptable enough.

LOVING THIS TOO DAMN MUCH!

It's so cute, and romantic and just ugh! I cant even explain it :)

I agree with above person. You should make this a full length story! I don't think I've ever squeaked so much over a one shot! It was amazing!!! Dude I really do wanna learn to surf! Especially by Brian and Johnny! That would be awesome!!! Ahahaha Brian being like a girl. Although if the videos are anything to go by, he really is the most questionable about his orientation... I'm just saying. Dude elevators make me so nervous! I terrified of getting stuck in one. Although I do so love the sensation from riding them. And ahhhh!!! Jimmy! Hes so hyper and talkative. It was easy to picture this in mah head! Lol I am begging you. Please find a way to eventually make this full length! I swear you can take your time on it! I just want so much more to this!

I loved It! You should make that into an actual long story