That was without doubt a good read but it would be better if you used paragraphs. :0 You also had some grammar mistakes but nothing too serious. :] Good luck with the contest and whatever happens don't stop writing. XD
I think its really good. I like how you took a different way of explianing then most people would. It would be awesome if you wrote more to this story. I'd like to see what would happen next if you did. :)