Less of You - Comments

Okay, immediately the chapter title (he's like a Walmart version of you, but he'll have to do) drew me in. I don't know what it is exactly about that phrase, but I love the shit out of it. I really like the entire one-shot as well. I think your tone is perfect and very compelling. It's gutting, but not melodramatic in the least. That sort of resigned calm actually just makes it all the more cutting actually.
He shower's everyday so he doesn't have greasy hair or looks a mess.
-"shower's" should be "showers" and "looks a mess" should be "look a mess" (think of it this way, you wouldn't say "so he doesn't looks a mess", right?)

A comfortable hurt. A warm, loving, snug hurt that never wanted to let go but that doesn't matter. I like his hugs better.
-I love this (and the other moments throughout the piece like it.) It sets your tone so perfectly. In trying to compare notes in favor of the new boy, the old boy still wins. Despite the narrator's best efforts, even things s/he is trying to make a negative go back to something s/he liked and misses.

I'm really not even sure what else to say. Keep up the good work, dear. :)

Layout and Summary;;
I am usually not a fan of patterened backgrounds, for some reason, but I really like the way you have it on your layout. It goes really well and gives it that extra kick to make is interesting. I love the colors that you are using in the content area. Though I am not particularily fond of the picture. I don't hate it, but I don't love it. I think that is the problem. It doesn't make me feel, it doesn't draw me in. It is about the same thing for the summary. It isn't horrible, but it isn't wonderul either. But it does intrigue me at least a little.
Chapter One;;
I'm not fond on the first two things in the story. Seeing as they are almost the exact same thing, it makes it repetitive right off that bat.
In the second paragraph you say that he cleans his hair twice, not in the same exact wording, but in such a short amount of times makes it repetitive and unnecessary.
I really liked this. It made you feel pity and sadness for the main character. I love how you listed their differences but you didn't make it read like a list. I love how personal it got. And I especially loved the last line in the story. It was overall really good, I loved it.

This is really, really good.
I like how it went from saying that the new guy was better to saying that the old guy was better.
It was a very nice, very sad flow. I really liked it.
<3

I enjoyed this a lot. It was very sweet, very sad. But it got to the point. There are honestly two things that I want to point. It's not Hollister and Fitch, it's Abercrombie and Fitch. And you say earlier that he dyes his hair black, but then towards the end you say that it's dirty blonde? Maybe mention that the dye had faded out or something? But it's cute though, it's interesting that she goes for a guy completely opposite the one she was with before. You can tell she's trying to avoid any similarity. Great job.

This was powerful no doubt. You know what the best part was, your hidden messages inside. When you wrote how he doesn't have scars, and his not ashamed to be himself; how perfect he is; in a very convenient way it felt like you were saying "but I loved your flaws". I absolutely adored the way you kept listing the other man's perfection, how much he cares, how his always there with him and his perfection; yet theres something almost imperfect in that perfection. I really loved that part about this one shot. And then the end just wrapped it up; after listing all the bad in that other person, the story took a turn and it started to shadow how much those bad things were a part of the good, and that no matter how perfect something looks, its not always that way. Your splendid writer, and the grammer and spelling were on point. Layout was beautiful too. Well done!

I loved the pace of this, so calm and sad...yet angry and a bit resentful. I could feel the frustration. It's so hard to let go of someone and once you've fallen for another, it sucks to compare the two. It's natural, though, there will always be that piece of you that will miss the other person for what they once gave you, or for what they made you feel. We are repetitive creatures and we don't like change and I suppose that is one of the reasons.

I really loved this story, very well written; thumbs up on the grammar and spelling. You should definitely try swapping and getting it out there, maybe on the forums or such. It was an amazing read and I'm glad I found it! Splendid job on it!!