Die Schwester - Comments

  • CountryGirl712

    CountryGirl712 (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Did not read the whole thing but your description is so rich and amazing. It's obvious that you put a lot of thought into this and researched it well. I like the layout also. My only advice to you is to maybe make it more grabbing to the reader, all you need is a good hook and this story is perfect.
    October 17th, 2013 at 08:11pm
  • CaesarSalad

    CaesarSalad (105)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    30
    Location:
    United States
    The first chapter was absolutely brilliant. I do love reading a story that has been well researched, even if this is all but fantasy. This level of writing is what I would normally find a book. The plot so far is amazing. I like how there isn't too much description to what is going on and things around them, but enough to give you an idea what everything looks like. At this point I prefer Snow White over Rose Red. I don't know what it is about her, but I feel as if Rose Red isn't the nicest of people. She may have her outward beauty, but I don't believe that beauty reaches to her heart. As they say, it's only skin deep.

    Now for the second chapter I'm slightly confused by a certain part. It's the end of the first section where Snow has just entered the corridor to be met with a friend whom says that her mother has been poisoned. I feel as though there should be a little bit more between the time she leaves her mother's bedchamber and the time her mother is poisoned. The events were all too close together. After that it flowed quite well until as you said her 'dementia' came too fast. And as for the first comment on this, it makes sense why she killed him. After all, in those times he would have been put to death had he'd been found by anyone else. A sleeping guard is a criminal in that sleeping on duty is a crime, especially in those times. Overall it was a great story and I did love it. I'd have to say that it was one of the best stories I've ever read on this site.
    September 23rd, 2012 at 10:31pm
  • n. josten

    n. josten (1270)

    :
    Ghoul of 2016
    Gender:
    Age:
    92
    Location:
    United States
    Oh, this is purely beautiful. I am in awe after reading such a fantastic piece. I truly don't have a single bad thing to say other than Snow's dementia did feel a bit rushed, as you said yourself at the end, so maybe slowing that down would be immensely better. As for the rest of this gem, there is nothing wrong with it in the least. I adore it endlessly. I wish there were more. It was flawless, even. No mistakes, and constant flow of sentences with beautiful detail and descriptions. I am so happy I got this in the comment swap.
    June 24th, 2012 at 01:53am
  • Thingtastic

    Thingtastic (360)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    29
    Location:
    United States
    That was really good but I don't understand why Snow didn't just bribe the guard instead of killing him o.O He didn't do anything wrong. (Besides sleeping on the job)
    February 9th, 2012 at 10:12pm