At the Beginning With You - Comments

I was pleasantly surprised by this. At first I was worried that it would be another sappy, sickening love story, but there seems to be other, dangerous elements to it. You have a real talent for writing, it's very descriptive and easy to picture in my mind. The feelings and thoughts of the characters all seem very realistic, and you do an excellent job of conveying emotions.
I like how you switch between point of views, it gives good insight to what's going on behind the scenes without giving too much away.
That being said... I'm still not entirely sure what's going on. Is Calder human, or something else? I understand being mysterious, but three chapters in I'd like to have a few more answers. There's no clear plot line yet.
Keep up the good work though, this story has potential :)

Speaking as someone who doesn't admire romance, I can tell you that the plot seems to drag. It has a lot of potential, but I feel like you could have focused less on the beautiful emerald eyes, and more on something personal, like the way she laughed. I'm saying this from the way I read the prologue, not the rest of the chapters! It may be that you wrote more about her, but I think from what I saw of the prologue, it came off as rather, well, cheesy. Try to go more into a personal connection when referring to her, more about how she made him feel, the things she did, maybe a quirky eyebrow raise, rather than her perfections. It'll humanize the characters more.

~Comment Swap:

Great first chapter. Your details and imagery are very vivid, and you're really good at teasing out the emotions in the situations. Like having him compare himself to his older brother and what his brother did to him. I like the way that it gives the reader a glimpse into the character's past without revealing too much.

The shift after the perspective change is particularly well written and intriguing.

I think my one tip for you would be to watch out for starting so many sentences with And or But. It's a bad habit of mine too, but it can really mess with the flow.

Anyway, well done.

I must say I love it. Awesome detail, intriguing. Loved the way you did her heartbeat.

Update often!