Just Look at the World Around You - Comments

You can tell you have really treated this story well due to the effort that has been put into just the first chapter. I love how many characters you have but though I don't know all the bands(I like The Maine and We The Kings) so sometimes I was a bit confused because of all the different people. But that's just my fault...I need to start buying Kerrang! again :P The target audience for this story will know everyone.

Your writing is really good and your dialogue is excellent. The banter between the characters is really good and enjoyable and most importantly, your your characters are extremely likable. They are the kind of girls you would want to hang out with and be friends with and that is always a good thing.

I love that there's going to be a relationship with John cause he is just all-round delicious so let's see that get all hot and heavy,yes? haha. Anyways, good story!

I'm here because of the comment swap thingy I have only read the first few chapters so far (as I only normally read a few chapters with comment swap) but surprisingly I really like it, it has a good layout of characters and character personalities, and I think I may go back and read more. The only thing i’m not to keen on is the layout, but thats a personal thing.
Love and Rockets
Kay
x

I really like the story you have written. I think it takes a lot of effort and care to put into such a long story. I do think though, that you need to be more thorough with your plot, and you also maybe possibly make a bit more chapters for your stories.

I also fricken love the backround colour scheme. I have never really heard of this type of fanfiction, but then again I live in a frerard world.... soooo. lol

I have really nothing else to say for comment swap. But I will say I loved your story. I planned on skimming first, but your story pulled me in.

A sesh of the jam variety, consisting of bands to the numerical value of two,

haha.

Awesome :)

Awesome :)

I read the first two chapters for comment swap. I have some con-crit. The story is kind of all over the place. I don’t know much about the bands you mentioned (FTSK, We the Kings, The Maine) so it’s hard to follow. I think the descriptions/back-story of the characters needs to be elaborated on rather than just throwing a guy from a band in there.

I really liked some of the dialogue between Avara and Holly. I laughed a lot. My favorite parts: ("A sesh of the jam variety, consisting of bands to the numerical value of two," Avara said.) ("Stand completely still. It's vision is based on movement,"). I really love that the lines that are funny are literally laugh-out-loud funny.

At the same time, I feel like the dialogue takes over the story without actually leading it anywhere, if that makes sense. For instance, the first two chapters are mainly witty banter between Holly and Avara (and the other main characters/bands). I feel that the focus should be more on the plot development.

Your story is really intresting! I like the format you set up for this story and how you where able to play along with your story. The way you write it's like you can step into the setting and venture on from there. Keep up with your striking imagination. xD

Hiiii, I've been sent here from comment swap. Honestly, I only got to the first chapter. That was terribly long. You couldn't have split it up? Oh, well. Nonetheless, it is good and quite intriguing. I feel like it could have used more detail, but it was quite humorous. I'll have to go and read the prequel before I continue onward with this story. Good job doll :)

I love how playful this is and how even though I don't listen to Kill Barbie I can still relate to the characters well.

The only advise I have is that you're intervals are a little weird and make the story a bit hard to follow. I'm not even sure if it was an interval or a POV switch or something. But it's weird.

Anyway, I am now subscribing because all in all? I like this story<3

Elllloo, I've come here via comment swap.
I'm glad it brought me here, as this story intrigued me. I know it has a prequel, which I will probably read later on. It's good though, even from the first chapter I understood what was going on without going back to the first story. This is really good, keep it up!
Good job.

-Jess xx

I've never really heard of the band but I loved the way you had written it out, I haven't read the prequel however so the storyline became a little hard to follow.
Besides all this, I think you're a great writer and should keep it up x

From comment swap (as it's for this though, I'm only going to comment on the first chapter)

- I love the format of this, that every chapter is a different tour date :)
The characters are awesome at first and I love the impressions you're giving of them.
It's a little confusing without having read the prequel but aside from that I ignored any confusion because of this reason and guessed that it's probably because I haven't read it's predecessor....I'd advise you to stick a little notice in the summary though just saying that it's best to read the prequel to understand bits of this fic.
Otherwise brilliant, it's a great chapter and it's set some good foundations for the remainder of the story.
~Jack's Creativity

I had to go back to the very first story to figure out what was going on, but once I understood those I was able to get a better picture of this story. I laughed most of the way through reading this, especially with that whole thing about the “two band jam sesh” and the dinosaurs. I really enjoy reading this. Definitely going to go back and read the prequels :)

idk why Mibba never told me about this, but yeah...
I really love Kill Barbie, mainly because im sitting here laughing at them all the time...
cant wait to read more!