September 11th, 2013 at 04:19pm
I am pretty positive I had to comment about this layout before in the Comment on that Story Layout thread in the general forums but if you didn't know or don't remember, I think it's lovely. I love the feel of it and how it relates so perfectly to the story, though I can only assume because it's a picture contest you had to write based on the picture anyways.
I really thought this was nice. I love reading things where the main character is doing something that seems like their daily lives and they realize that things are not how they seem. This was very well written and I could picture the couple and her shock reading the paper, and just the struggle it probably was for her to wake up to the trauma. I thought this was good.
Firstly, the layout is really lovely. It seems very simplistic and I love that you've kept the colours all neutral and matching nicely. It looks interesting enough, but doesn't give much away about the story as a whole which I think is definitely a positive thing.
I really liked the idea behind this. The twist at the end was really unexpected, I honestly thought this was just a cute little snapshot into the lives of the couple but when I read the last little paragraph I was really surprised, pleasantly so. It isn't often that I get to read drabbles with such a creative and unexpected ending, so that definitely got you points for originality in that respect. I like that you don't reveal too much at all about the couple, but you bring across this sense of realism with them. I really did feel for them both when I realised what had happened at the end and the fact that you've managed to make me sympathetic towards them whilst revealing very little about personalities is something that I think makes this a really strong drabble.
I love how simplistic your language is throughout this as well. You've perfectly captured the essence of the monotonous everyday activities and I love that you don't put too much emphasis on them, but instead choose to build everything up to the very end of the drabble. Even then, towards the end everything is very simple, but coupled with the plot itself, you've really created an impact. I didn't spot any spelling or grammar errors when I was reading, so well done on that front!
In conclusion, I really did love this. It's short, it's shocking and it's really well-written. You've incorporated the photograph given really well as well, so major props for that!
I'll be announcing the winners by the 15th, so keep your eyes peeled. Good luck!