Rain - Comments

HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT LAYOUT!!!!!!!! Okay, so, I looked at this from comment swap and that's what showed up. I was like, k, we can do this. I looked at the layout and I was mesmerized. It made me want to read the story without there even being a summary. Kudos on that (: Now, I like this story, so don't let anything I say effect any of this. They're just mindful suggestions from a complete outsider. I hate when people tell me something is wrong when I think it's right. So, remember, they're just suggestions. First of all, your characters thoughts, they're realistic and that generally is a great power to have as a writer -- make them into real humans. What you don't have to do all the time, though, is divide contractions, like turning "I've" into "I have" "can't" into "cannot". That takes away the reality because no one, especially a teenager mind you, divides their contractions like that. So, maybe going back and putting them together, or at least some of them, will make the main character realistic once more. And, from the first chapter, which was a good start, you got a great feel for the main's personality, which is quite important, but there wasn't much of a plot.

One thing to think about is make every chapter have its own plot in its own way. There's an overview plot and then there's individual plots. That's my suggestions. If you choose to listen to my advice, cool, if you don't -- hey, maybe I'm wrong. Best of luck to you my fellow writer. Carry on. ^^

i've just read all of what is posted, and i really love it so far! please keep writing it! :)

I’m surprised this doesn’t have more comments yet!
The opening chapter was really good and gave a great deal of insight into the narrator, while still keeping some mystery. For example, I don’t even know the name or gender of the person. But that’s really good and has good me interested in who it is :) The description of the city and the narrator’s attitude is really well portrayed and I feel like I am part-way to understanding them. As an introduction to the story, it was really well done, as it raised several questions that I want to read on to find the answers to.
The way you write is really good and it makes it flow nicely and is easy to read. And the fact that there are very few spelling/grammar mistakes helps :) Your descriptions are really good and detailed, which helps to set the scene really well.
I really like how the characters are developed and are clearly individuals. And I also like that you include a dialect in Tommy’s pov, which makes it seem like the character is really telling the story.
I’m off to read more now :) I’m interested to find out where this story goes!

I enjoy how realistic this is. On how not everything is perfect and how the life of the character is being portrayed, it's rather interesting. The way the main character is as well, the personality makes me laugh because it is real. Everyone curses and watches their backs and lives life the way they want to and I feel you put that amazingly into the story.