O, Anna Sun. - Comments

I really do love this so far.

This is just.... No words to describe how great it is!!

why do you make everything so beautiful. I only read the first sentence and I just ::cries:

I'm going to bookmark this and read soon lol.

I absolutely love this.

Dear grace violet blood.,

The King sent me. I am a Knight of Comment Swap.

Fear not the King wishes you no harm. The last thing he beheaded was a chocolate bar. He has turned against violence since he read the Hunger Games.

Your story is a brilliant one, with details and history and a unique plot.

There are some cliches which could be done away with easily. They would make the story stand stronger.

Cliches are those familiar plots, characters, scenes, phrases and stories. They are over used which makes them cliche. The familiarity of them, however, draws us to them. Avoid them! You are an Author Warrior! Fight these cliches off for your legendary tale, fight them off to show your true mind, let not the evils of cliches guide your story. Take your story by the hand and take it to the mountains and heights of wherever you please.

Fill the pages of the story like the mind of the narrator would be filled. If she misses her sisters she should think about them, if she had a rough travel and it has drained her, shouldn't she think about this a lot? Bring more attention to it. Use her thoughts.

A nice example from the King that I believe you will enjoy:

"This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important."

Your story takes place in a rather different perspective, it would be nice to see the descriptions and settings and moments that have her sitting in that room. And why doesn't she want to eat? It's so strange. She's half starved. Does she want to die?

Also the link from the first chapter to the second doesn't exist. There should be something otherwise the previous chapter will be forgotten.

So far a well written tale, although slightly sucked of hope with two chapters of despair and loneliness, it still has a little hope left.

All the best in writing.

Truly,

A Knight of Comment Swap

You write so beautifully. I'm completely hooked on this. Amazing job. :)

bee I just cried, this is so amazing!
all of my feels are just so "kfjdgjfdjgnfjgn" right now c:

oh my gosh this is so beautiful.
I'm in love with this.
I love how she's foreign and doesn't have very good English, either! IT'S BRILL. SIMPLY BRILL.
please update soon c:

This is so so lovely, I can't stand it.
I love the name and the song Anna Sun -I'm assuming that's where the name came from? How much of an ass would I be if its not. :3
And I love how you literally made her name Anna Sun, Annalise du Soleil. That's so creative and unique and just -gah, I can't handle the perfection. This is perfect. You are perfect, and I love this.
Youuuu should definitely update soon.

OH MY GOD BEE
THAT WAS AMAZING
I CAN'T EVEN EXPRESS ITS BEAUTY
and the summary
oh my goodness.
holy poop, it blew me away. NO, not just your big words that I can barely comprehend, much less recite. ;c
ANYWHO.
please update soon (:
that was such a sad start, but I know this story has much to hold.

I feel like you started so many things while I was away, abbs. Sounds great already :)

BEE,
PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY ALL OF YOUR STORIES ARE SO PERFECT.
you have like, the most amazing ideas.
this looks so wonderful.
i'm subscribing too. :D

SUBBED BBQRL. ;D