The Rising - Comments

{Comment Swap}
First off I'd like to comment on the layout as it's really effective; very nicely done. :) With regards to the text to make is easier to read on screen you should double space your paragraphs as it makes it really hard especially when you have a coloured font.
in some of the chapter you are telling more than showing. You don't always have to state exactly what it going on, allow the read to infer it from your description. E.g. "I was really cold." would go to something like, "My teeth chattered together as I shivered; chilled to my very core."

Also don't be afraid to vary your sentence structure as in parts it becomes very "We did this. Then we did that." It can take some practice but keeps the reader interested.
Good luck with the rest of the story! X

Comment swap-

I'm a fan of zombie stories, and yours seem to be off to a very good start! Although, I did noticed a couple of errors such as spacing of the paragraphs. There needs to be a space between each paragraph, or else your story will look all jumbled and unreadable. Everything else though seemed to be in good order and I enjoyed reading this!

I love a good horror story although zombies have never been my favorite but I was still stoked on seeing something in the horror genre pop up in the comment swap. I think your writing style is easy to read and understand, I don't see any glaring errors as far as grammar or spelling. I did have to read it on default layout because I had a hard time with yours although it looks great it was hard for me to read. I think that the chapter titles work as you need to let us know whose viewpoint we are reading from or else it would lead to confusion so I don't really see that you could do anything other than title it the character's name so I have no issue with that. I think that it would be easy to fall into a Walking Dead copycat here so be wary of that and I think you will have something quite promising on your hands!

I have never read a zombie story before - Not perticulary into horror but I'm willing to give anything a go! First impressions of your layout were great, everything was easy to read for me and I love how you did the one sided images.

I didn't look closely at grammar/spelling and I couldn't pick up anything that would need to be fixed. Anyway, that's what editors are for. My only suggestion for change, and its obviously completely up to you, I didn't like the chapter names, I thought you could have been more creative with them. Also! Just because I picked this up now, the very first sentence of the story should draw the character in, using speech was great, but for me the word "asked" was a let down, I wanted some more expression to make a really powerful hit to the reader straight away. "Cowered" or "Whimpered" for example might have had a bigger effect on me.

However, great idea's with how the zombie break out came about. I loved your style of writing, you have a great way with words and I'm not sure if this is still a priority, the last comment was from three months ago, but you should keep it up to try and get more publicity and even consider going for self publishing or publishing.

S.J Blue xxx

(Comment Swap) I have to admit, I was stoked when I saw I got to read a zombie story, I love zombies! As far as comments and suggestions Dodger pretty muched summed it up. Especially the accent thing. I had a character with a southern accent once and it drove me insane. Also, your layout summary needs a little work. The words are so spaced out that I had to go to the default layout to read it without getting a headache. But that is literally it my dear. Excellent work!

Hi, I came here from comment swap. Zombie stories are not really my thing as I'm a scaredy cat haha...but this isn't too bad. I think you need to double space your paragraphs as it is very hard to read all squashed together the way it is. There are some spelling mistakes/missing letters but not too many that I can see straight away. Also, with Gustav, it might be easier to just say he has a german accent instead of writing his accent...it'll be easier for you when you're writing and easier for the reader.

Hello, I love the story so far. It's very well written. Update soon.