Firstly, I'd like to applaud the creativity of your idea. I think that having a method of resurrection that makes sense in-story, has rules of its own, and a specific division for its execution is quite an undertaking, and you've pulled it off well thus far. I also would like to commend your characterization, particularly that of Pandora/Rose (if I am correct in assuming that they are one and the same). Her internal dialogue, including bits of selective amnesia, struck me as very interesting, and I especially enjoyed the part where one of the Dracs is shown to have his own depth of character by ranting at her. It shows that everyone's actions are important to the story and that the minor characters are involved, albeit briefly, and have their own feelings and opinions. One piece of advice I would have is to make sure that the remaining members of the Second Chance Division are also involved. Of course, I can't be sure that you aren't planning something with them, and if so good for you, but I would like to stress that letting them simply "be there" is kind of (in my opinion) a waste. I'm not saying you're wasting them now, just cautioning you to ensure that you don't. Oh, one more thing: I really hope this isn't one of those fics where the protagonist OC (Pandora, in this case) has the Killjoy she's in love with wake up and immediately fall for her in some out-of-character way. In other words, don't make Pandora a Mary Sue. Again, I'm not saying that she is already, but you're getting close to that interpretation with her powers as it is, and I hope you won't make her overtly Sue-ish. I look forward to reading the rest of this fic, and exploring the depth of your well-written plotlines. Nicely done so far. Keep the shininess coming!
August 26th, 2012 at 08:06am
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I also would like to commend your characterization, particularly that of Pandora/Rose (if I am correct in assuming that they are one and the same). Her internal dialogue, including bits of selective amnesia, struck me as very interesting, and I especially enjoyed the part where one of the Dracs is shown to have his own depth of character by ranting at her. It shows that everyone's actions are important to the story and that the minor characters are involved, albeit briefly, and have their own feelings and opinions.
One piece of advice I would have is to make sure that the remaining members of the Second Chance Division are also involved. Of course, I can't be sure that you aren't planning something with them, and if so good for you, but I would like to stress that letting them simply "be there" is kind of (in my opinion) a waste. I'm not saying you're wasting them now, just cautioning you to ensure that you don't.
Oh, one more thing: I really hope this isn't one of those fics where the protagonist OC (Pandora, in this case) has the Killjoy she's in love with wake up and immediately fall for her in some out-of-character way. In other words, don't make Pandora a Mary Sue. Again, I'm not saying that she is already, but you're getting close to that interpretation with her powers as it is, and I hope you won't make her overtly Sue-ish.
I look forward to reading the rest of this fic, and exploring the depth of your well-written plotlines.
Nicely done so far. Keep the shininess coming!