Baby Steps - Comments

First things first. The layout's great. The background flows very well, and it doesn't distract you from reading. The banner, although a tad small, fits very well. The title isn't distracting or too eccentric, and it fits great. The summary on the front page is also very fitting; it captures your attention.

I feel like the first paragraph is a good way to start this off. It explains enough of what Brian is thinking, and it shows his thought process tremendously well. The inclusion of the title in the second paragraph really adds some spark to it. It just flows seamlessly into the story as well.

Him thinking of the girl constantly, even despite him seeing someone else, really shows you how much he misses her. I love how Sarah contrasts with the last person he dated, and how he doesn't ever think he's going to find someone better. It really shows you the exact emotions people feel after a break-up or something similar. And once again, I love the repeated inclusion of the title.

The Charles Dickens simile helps you imagine the two of them better, and it's a great way to tie things up so far. The way he imagines everything frozen in time also adds some realism to the story as well.

I love the last bit. I had expected that the girl died, but I wasn't one-hundred percent certain. The way you gave hints throughout the story without really directly stating it really helps add emphasis to the end. The last line is to kill for and it's quite emotional.

You did a great job. Everything flows very well and has a sense of rhythm. You've shown us a bit of characterization as well, which is always nice. Your vocabulary is also flawless, and you've used a great deal of more sophisticated words without overwhelming the audience. Nice job. (:

So many things about this that I adore! First of all, the layout is stunning and lovely and I like the picture. I love the way you put in a Dickens reference--classy! It all flowed so nicely and you painted a perfectly round picture and I was never confused or anything. I loved the way the dialogue was incorporated into the story; it was perfect for the entire premise.

No complaints from me. Thank you much for entering the contest!

This is nicely written, it was different, and I didn't expect her to have been dead at the end. But it all flowed nicely.

I thought this was very nice. Good description and it flowed nicely, I thought.
And it had good emotion too, at the last line I was like poor thing.

Good job.
=D