Exposed - Comments

I think it crazy how much I can relate to this story just from reading the prologue. There are some huge contrasts, but these are things that I have experienced, that I have watched others experience, and so on. I think you definitely captured a struggle that a lot of teens go through in the midst of their lives. To do so is complicated and sometimes so bias. But I think so far you have done a beautiful job. I also wasn't expecting Danielle's boyfriend to be abusive. I think taking the story of Danielle's perfect life into such a dramatic turn is brilliant. Danielle was this vibrant flower, perfect everything until an almost fatal mistake. I am very curious to know where this story goes. You are extremely talented and I hope to read more from you xx thank goodness for comment swap picking your story out for me to read xx

Hey there! Comment Swap brought me here. So, I like this.. a lot. The way you write is really descriptive.. but not overly descriptive. Some people tend to either write way too much or way too little, and you’re like directly in the middle, so that’s a perfect place to be. I really like this story.. the plot looks really promising, so I’m really excited to read more. I hardly noticed any grammar mistakes, except when you say “This guys was older, she told me, and if Mom and Dad found out they would make them stop seeing each other.” I think it is just supposed to be GUY, singular? I could be wrong, though. I might have just misread it.. I tend to do that a lot haha. Secondly, when you say “Which was almost completely true, especially considering I never even kissed a boy before.” It kind sounds like there’s supposed to be a HAVE before never. Once again, I could be wrong. It’s just a suggestion, so please don’t think I’m criticizing you in any way, because I’m not. Your grammar and spelling and everything are great! As for your layout, well, I really like it. The picture is awesome, and also really interesting. Your whole story idea in general is interesting. Although it leaves me wanting to know more like right away.. so please update soon!

This. This is good. Very good indeed. I love the way it's written, I love the layout, I love the characters and I love the talent that seeps from it. One thing I like the most is that the older sister isn't what I would think a 'perfect' person would be. I like how you didn't make her the cliche in anyway.

I really like how this is going too. I can tell its going to be a really good story. I also really like how I could read right through it. No errors stopped me and everything flowed smoothly. Very much like it.

I like this, it seems interesting, cool, vague, mysterious....

I could go on and on with synonyms. :)

I like the layout, simple and doesn't lead the reader to any real assumptions about the story. This first chapter is pure magic, with all the emphasis on what Eloise's family sees so perfect about Danielle, while Eloise is not quite as sold. I'm ready to read some more of this already. I want to learn everything I can about Eloise and what just makes her, Eloise. Great job.

I like the layout, but I feel like the summary could use some spicing up. It seems like all it does is state the events that occur in the story without being exciting enough. I do like the first line of it, though.

In the first chapter, I like how you emphasize Danielle. I think it emphasizes what Eloise thinks and the jealousy she feels about her sister.

Tip-toeing on eggshell topics like relationships and suicide, making sure she took her meds and that she got to therapy on time. I really like this line, especially the use of eggshell topics.

So far there isn't much posted, but I really like the idea and I hope you continue with this.

Totally in love with this :D