Fear - Comments

A particularly interesting read. It combines my favorite characters into one story, for that I commend you. I like the vocabulary you use, but at sometimes you seem to be a little to vague. That was rare. I truly enjoyed reading. :-)

I was brought here by the comment swap feature!

To start, I was really intrigued by the title of this story. It's short, sweet, and to the point. The reader is automatically drawn in.

When I clicked the link, I squealed just a bit because I'm absolutely obsessed with Batman. Like, it's bad. Lol. I love reading fics with different interpretations of the Gotham universe. :)

The summary interested me even more, because I'm also a big fan of Doctor Who. I really like the banner, and how you brought together the TARDIS, as well as Batman in the background.

Overall, I really found this whole story to be interesting. I'm definitely going to subscribe, because I'm curious to see where you're going to take this. Great job! ^_^.

Story Review Thread

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Title:
I like the title, it's straightforward & to the point. I prefer shorter titles, usually no more than five or six words.

Layout:
Simply by looking at your layout I'm assuming this is going to be a Batman fic or a story involving Batman somehow. Your banner is amazing, quite gorgeous. I wish the background photo didn't show that it repeats, but other than that it's absolutely beautiful.

Summary:
Hmm, so my assumption about this being a Batman was kind of off. XD
I've never read a Doctor Who fic or even watched the show so I'm interested to see where this goes. (:

Chapter One:
To describe accurately one of the most horrifying cities in existence would be impossible.
I had to reread this sentence because I was confused.
Maybe try rewording it to, 'To describe one of the most horrifying cities in existence accurately would be impossible."
Something like that or use less words. That's just my opinion though, you don't have to if you don't want.

With the extra space the super villains of the world retreated into the dark crevasses and cracks of Gotham.
You misspelled 'crevices'.

Creating a war of attrition for heroes and the small meager police force to reclaim the city.
I don't understand what this sentence means.
I'm sorry, it's probably because I don't know the definition of 'attrition'.

The madness of Joker, the brilliance of Luthor, the rhythm of the Master...
Not sure why, but I really like this sentence. (:

-From the journal of the Detective
I don't really like that you puts this here when you're continuing the chapter.
Maybe you should post the excerpt from the Detective's journal as the first chapter by itself or a prologue & post the rest of what follows in its own chapter.

TARDIS
Why is this capitalized?

His glare causing chills to run up and down the length of the Detective’s spine like a rat crawling through a sewer.
I really like the Detective so far, but I wish he wasn't so afraid of Batman.
I don't know, I just imagined him to be tough & not scared of anything.

Overall:
The story was definitely interesting. I'm curious to find out what is going to happen. I really like the detective character. He instantly became one of my favorite characters. XD
I'm utterly clueless about Doctor Who so there are probably some things in the story that I don't understand. Regardless of this, I really enjoyed your story. :D

Overall, the layout is a bit too busy for my taste. The background image is distracting, an the courier font in italics is hard to read.
I read chapter one.

I liked the opening; the detective's journal entry sets the stage for the chapter and for the story. The only thing I would change would be to choose between "small" or "meager" for the adjectives of the police force. Both have the same basic connotation and having both, while it could emphasize the hampered police forces, seems a bit awkward.

With the introduction of the Detective, my intrigue with the story increased tenfold. As an avid Doctor Who fan, I recognized the TARDIS, but having the Detective rather than the Doctor sparks my curiosity.

In its entirety, I'm intrigued by this story. You have a lot of good elements and, overall, the first chapter is a great introduction. My criticism, though, is to fine tune some of the adjectives used (perhaps using a thesaurus to prevent from overusing the same words, such as "calm" when Batman and the Detective are interacting) and to make sure you use commas in the correct places.

This is for the Story Comment thread :)

Well, I read Chapter 3 as you asked and I have to say I'm intrigued. It is quite dark, but I love that in a story: The Gotham/Doctor Who crossover is very interesting, I haven't seen anything like that for a while. My favourite bit would have to be:

''I sometimes can hear the screams of the damned when the fire touches the planets surface.''

In a sentence, you have explained the anguish that the Detective feels, and how he is haunted by memories; I won't ''rip this to shreds'', as it is actually really good!
Also, the way you start it definitely makes the story more interactive towards the reader, as he mentions previous entries and such, you make it seem like he is talking to you specifically.
It is not the most descriptive story, but of course it doesn't have to be as you still manage to set a scene inside my head :)

I hope this was good enough, and overall I think you have great potential as a writer due to your creative style!

Dea xx

This is great!!!!!!! I love the humorous characteristics you have characterized for The Green lantern :D He just comes in to the rescue and I'm grinning really widely. I also appreciate how batman still doesn't completely trust detective because it is just too common for the protagonist to be appreciated by everyone. Well, I would love to get more into Batman and how he portrays Detective. I find Detective pretty modest and reliable; but Batman must have his own reasons to feel a bit suspicious toward him.

This story is so well written, I mean really you have a fantastic way with words. I'm not really into superheros, and I've never seen any of the batman movies,however I love Doctor Who and I like the idea of changing him to 'The Detective' puts a great original spin on things and shows your own brilliant imagination. The theme is really good and set out well, making it easy to read. The punctuation and grammar is also great. The only suggestion I have is too maybe make the chapters a little longer, so we can see more happening because I feel with more chapters or longer chapters containing more detail this could be even better. But overall this great, I subscribed and will carry on reading. Well done :D

I love this story so much right now :)

Ohhh, I'm actually loving this story more and more with each chapter. I really wanna know who the Detective is... I mean I have an idea of two but yeah. I noticed a few little typos, nothing major but I always like to fix them where I can.
-From the journal o the Detective. You missed the F in OF.
founded to be locked Should be found I assume.
Giving them both miniature flamethrower. You could either add an A between boat and miniature, or just add an S to flamethrower. :)

I have a suggestion for this line Who can live knowing they killed so many people? It's retty much fine as it is. But I personally would change the they to either they've or they'd I jsut think it'd read a little better. :)

My favorite phrase in the whole story is The lightly armed heroes. I just think it's completely perf and it made me giggle.

I absoloutly cannot wait to read more!

General, opening comments: So, you have some cool graphics in the layout, although overall it's a bit too busy for my tastes. I would have gone for a simpler, less distracting background to go with that banner or a simpler banner for that background, but that's just me and each of them do look fabulous. Your summary is good - nice level of information without giving too much away.

Chapter one: The first two paragraphs are full of great description. However, using two similes to describe Gotham in one sentence might be a bit much - In eight years Gotham has grown like a cancerous tumor, swelling to become four times its original size like a bloated tick ready to pop. I'd pick one or the other. I do agree with KittyGrimm in that you use 'The Detective' a bit too much, because a pronoun would suffice at least until Mr Wayne is introduced. A fist greeted the side of the Detective’s face - 'greeted' seems like too friendly a word to use to describe a punch, but I like the atmosphere you create afterwards, with the combination of Batman's anger contrasted with the Detective's calmness. If this is indeed a Doctor Who/Batman crossover, I'm interested why you changed the Doctor's name to the Detective. Interesting. Maybe to disguise his identity, like Mr Wayne disguises his?

Chapter Two: I like it that you've set up each chapter with a journal entry. It gives you a great structural element that sets it apart from other stories and gets you into the Detective's mind. I also like how you set this chapter off in the middle of action. An old trick but one that never fails to suck the reader into the pace and you use it really well. I love the description of the Detective in this - especially how you say the sonic screwdriver is like an extension of his own arm. By the end of the chapter I was a little lost as to what was going on, but I still wanted to read on. Maybe it's because I'm not really familiar with the Batman fandom?

Anyway, to sum up, I think you've got a great story going on here and although a few lines could do with polishing, you have a nice concise style and this promises to develop really well.

First things fist I'm a big fan of the layout, it's really nice and doesn't cause any issues reading the chapter. I quite like the description, it's intriuging it made me want to read more and something about "The Detectives" name made me chuckle (probably just me though)
The first line is quite strange, I'm not sure if I'm reading it wrong or you've just phrased it badly but it doesn't quite seem right. To describe one accurately of the most horrifying cities in existence would be impossible. All that can really get the point across is its name. The one should be after the accurately I think. And actually rereading the second line I've understood it now.

I feel like you've used the words "The Detective" a little too much, but I understand it's nessicary as you dont have any other way to describe him as yet.
“Mr. Wayne or Batman, whichever you prefer, would you kindly put me down now?” I love this line. It reminds me of Benedict Cumberbath in Sherlock on tv.

I really love this story so far. I will definatly be subscribing to it. My only point is try and use "the Detective" a little less, you just seem to overuse it where I'm sure you could find something else!