Swords & Dragons - Comments

I hate to be the debby downer here, but I kept getting lost. Not because I didn't comprehend what was going on, it's just that some parts were a bit dull. Maybe it's just because I'm not a big fan of fantasy. Who knows.

Your language and writing structure is very good, so definitely keep that up. Judging from the previous comments, there are people who adore this story, which is heartwarming for me. Just because I (or anyone else for that matter) may not care too much for this type of story doesn't mean you shouldn't keep going. Write what you're passionate about, and write passionately about it.

Comment Swap: I read your story though i have a difficult time getting into it; the beginning drags on with a lot of backstory, and in a novel an author can sometimes get away with that but on Mibba you have readers breezing through 5 or 6 stories an hour, so you need to be extra prudent in your hook. That being said, the writing its self is wonderful, easy going, though i think you should think about adding some commas or chunking some of your longer sentences into two.

hmm, this is a difficult one to comment on. I got this through comment swap, and - to be honest - I'm not a huge fan of mediaeval/knighthood type stories unless they are just so brilliant that I can't deny it.
Now, I wouldn't put this up with the two or three books I've read that are in that absurdly excellent level, but this is definitely good, and I'm pleasantly surprised to find that I did enjoy reading it.
The friendship between Eli and Nik was cute, and well-written so that the mediaeval setting didn't affect the reader's enjoyment of it - after that it wasn't as great from my perspective, but I think that feeling stems from the fact that Eli just submits to her fathers will about the wedding. It might not be surprising in a lady of that time, who respects her father's wishes for the good of the realm; but since she was such a tomboy who cared little enough for the customs of her station to be good friends with Nik, I really expected at least a little resistance from her.
The only other issue I found was purely grammatical; towards the end of the third chapter, the tense changed from the simple past tense to the imperfect; i.e. instead of saying 'she held my hand', you say 'she would hold my hand', which is incorrect where you have placed it.
I'm not trying to be picky here - I just think that it does detract from an otherwise good story, and I wanted to input some helpful hint.
looking past grammar and personal preference though, this is really good, and you've done well to come up with your own world and plotline =D
-keep writing!

Comment swap brought me here... I am completely enveloped and in love with this story! It's amazing and I can't wait to see what happens next. I love it!

I stumbled upon this story when browsing the newly updated stories and I basically fell in love after reading the very first paragraph. I seriously love how there was an excerpt from the Delnarian History book to start off the story. I think it was an interesting start and really pulled me into the story.

As for the first chapter, it was completely fantastic. I simply adore stories like these. And this story doesn't fail to impress me. I really love the relationship between Nikolai and Ellie. It's just so cute how the two met, how they grew up together, and how they remained friends even when they didn't really see each other when they were seperated for school.

"If a king cannot fight, why should he expect his people too?"
For some reason, I simply adore this line. It's just... so beautiful.

The second chapter is just as wonderful as the first. I love the emotions that were packed into this chapter, especially in the ending when she's leaving. I have to admit that tears were starting to well up in my eyes cause it was so sad. Anyways, I simply love the amount of description in this story. It all adds to the beauty of the story, setting and the characters.

Lastly, I love the length of the chapters. They're long, and packed with loads of things. I, myself, like the longer chapters because they, depending on the author, give me a lot of the story in just one chapter. Overall, this is a great story, and I'll be watching out for new chapters.

no comments!!>:c
Well then it's good, Cause i'm the first to comment:3
great freaking chapter!
Your writing is so detailed, everything about it is just..wow!^_^
I hope you post more soon cause this story is one i'm looking forward too.
I'm mostly into dark fairytales && such but this is an exception!!
♥♥♥
keep me updated: )