The World Around Me - Comments

Beautiful story, with some interesting twists. I love that neither character had to speak, but the emotions and actions were plain and obvious. Everything you wrote flowed very well, and I am in love with the colors you've chose for your layout, for they just add to the imagery in your story some way.

Also, I forgot to add something. I just say that nobody had brought up that neither of the characters spoke, but they didn't need to. Her feelings were all that were needed to be written and I thought that was amazing. I haven't read something this nice for a long time(:

This was amazing! I'm so ready to go see the rest of your stories. It was my first time on the articles page today and one was written on your story, man am I glad I did. This was so different from everything else I've read and it had just enough detail to keep me listening but not enough to bore me out. It was beautiful to the very last word, and left me wondering if it had been a dream or if it was real. I wish I could see a follow up of this from you. Thanks for this gorgeous piece of writing. I think this one will go up on my inspiration wall(:

This was utterly beautiful. They're were so many points in this piece that just took my breath away. Flawless, absolutely flawless. That is exactly what it is. It's been a while since comment swap has impressed me. No no, scratch that, it's been the first time that it's been able to do such a thing.

Everything seemed to flow so well, that I just wish you would go on. I don't normally believe in things like Adam and Eve and what not, but this was far from it to me. It was a sense of peace with another being. That's what I saw it as.

I loved the way you described every little thing in this one-shot. I can close my eyes and imagine everything. Well done. It's hard to get through to Naomi, but you did it today. You should feel proud of that.

I loved this! It was really weird and unique and the description in it was flawless. There isn't a thing in this I would change, it was so different to things I normally read on here, so well done on that. The description flowed really well and fitted with the overall mood of the story.

my bare feet were begging for the opportunity to explore the world around me. ~ this was my favourite line, it was excellent. I loved how personified everything was. Sometimes it's easy to go overboard on description, but you balanced it really well.

I loved the description of the boy, he sounded really mysterious but like he could be threatening as well because he's so unknown and he could be anyone. I also loved the fact it was a mango he gave to her, normally I'd be expecting an apple kind of adam and eve-esque, you know? But it was so different, I loved it! Great job!

I haven't read anything in a while that's been able to hold my attention like this piece did. I could never look away because I wanted to know what would happen to her when she went into the woods, what the auburn haired boy would do, and if she might die from taking a bite of the mango. It was full of suspense, but yet had a dreamlike quality to it. They countered each other brilliantly and helped make this wonderful.

The way you describe things is absolutely magnificent. You don't go overboard with it-you use just enough so I have a clear mental image. You start off with that in the very first sentence and immediately I was hooked.

Another thing I loved about this piece was how relatable it is. Dreaming about someone is something everyone does and you brought that to light with this. The setting you gave this makes sense, at least to me, anyways. It's the girl's dream, so she's obviously going to find herself in a place that she enjoys or has some sort of meaning to her. I think the same thing with the boy. I wonder if his a classmate or someone who she's seen around her town; whoever he is, she obviously likes him a great deal.

This was brilliantly written! :D Great job!