A Losing Winner - Comments

I like the little background of Cedric in here- especially since he's one of my favorites! I thought you executed this really nicely, especially about his father and entering the competition. I could totally see this as being his legit reason for joining the competition. Cedric just seems like that type of guy who wants to go against his father and has this quiet defiance, but at the same time, can't quite go against his own father's orders. The relationship with Cedric and Bren was a bit too hot and cold for me, but it was nicely executed. It was sad that she left though, I would have thought that she understood and accepted it. Although there wasn't much dialogue in here, I like the fact that I could feel the distress and doubt in it. Good job! I really liked this and this is my first time reading a Cedric piece.

Well that's a face or name I haven't seen in ages haha.

Alright, being as it's Harry Potter based (the genre), you put God in there, so that kind of sticks out a little bit as odd but other than that I think it was brilliant. I like the word play in the title and the way you wrote this was good. It was sad, and also a bit frustrating, for both the characters. It was a very emotional piece and it came out very well.

I never usually read Harry Potter fanfictions because I'm afraid I'll be biased in enjoying them because I haven't read the books in such a long time. I always wanted to re-read all the books and then write my own HP story lol. I think you did a really good job at capturing Diggory and showing us a side to him that we've never seen before. The dialogue was really stiff though, it didn't sound anything like anyone would ever say in real life. At least not in the eighties-nineties which is when HP took place(right?) When people are like 'you must do this and you must be here' that sounded too much like 18th century type speech, even though they're English/British whatever, I doubt they'd talk like that. Also, I don't know if it's my computer or the way you're writing but you have random little dashes between words...like 'thank-you' I don't know why it looks like that but if it's you doing it I recommend you going through and getting rid of those because they don't need to be there.

Uhhhhm, otherwise great work. I really enjoyed this.

This was fantastic! I loved that there was a twist. I thought Bren and Cedric were going to be fine, but then she just left.

Great job(:

I really enjoyed this piece! I thought it was very interesting how you created it and where it was taking place and such. Even though I haven't yet read all of The Goblet of Fire, I felt like this could really have happened in the book! The amount of detail you used was astonishing and your word choice really just blew me away. I almost have no words for how awesome this one-shot is.

I think this is a truely amazing piece of writing; keep it up! :)

I adore the layout. Simply adore it. I dig the use of the gryffindor colors and how simple it is with the blocking and the solid colors. The picture is also really great. The expression on his face really sets the tone of the story. As in, if he was smiling I would expect something totally different than what I'm expecting now.

I like so much about this that I'm going to start with pulling a few lines.

At the first mention of the enchanted cup though, she’d seem to freeze and he’d watched as her light colored orbs widened in horror. Terrified that she’d gone into shock, he’d grabbed onto her shoulders and hauled her up against his chest.

I love that you describe her eyes as 'light colored orbs'. I like descriptions that vary from the norm, and this is definitely different. The same thing can be said for the way you describe him grabbing her and 'hauling her up against his chest.' That's such good imagery. You have that a lot throughout the story.

However, he was going to try and play it off as if he'd come up with the whole thing, if only to make his father seem less domineering than he really was.

This is really great, too. I never really saw Cedric's father as domineering but now that you've mentioned it, it's something I can totally see as a back story. I really like that detail, and awesome coming up with it. The way it becomes central in their discussion after that is good, too, and I think it shows how much he loves her that he doesn't immediately jump to defend his father but lets her words sink in and really takes them to heart. A lot of men wouldn't do that.

He cried because he’d lost all in hope everything.

This last line sent chills up my spine. I just want to cry for him. Your story here is so realistic and amazing that I will never be able to watch the movie without thinking that this is an untold back story to it!

Amazing job. 10/10. Loved it.

Forgive me, but I don't really know much about Harry Potter. I know only a little bit, and I'm relieved to say that I also know Cedric.
About your way of writing, I think it's plain but somehow you manage to say so much with just a couple of sentences. I thought the chemistry between the characters was really sweet <3
As I read further on, this was actually kind of sad, and SIGHH so romantic. This was one of a kind, and I truly liked it. I thought it was realistic the way the couple was sweet to each other, then arguing, then being sweet again. It tells us that not all couples are always lovey-dovey and perfect 24/7. I believe I have said all I needed to. Good job, by the way!

That was really, really amazing! I've never read any Cedric fics, or many HP-related fics in general. But I'm glad I read this one! You've left me wanting more. Which is problematic, seeing as it is apparently a one-shot. But, like coconut ninja said, I think it would really work as a chaptered story if you really wanted to do that. I think you conveyed a lot of great emotions in this piece and made me feel them as well. I think that getting that much of Cedric's emotional insight was brilliant. Especially because, like the others said, you don't see that often in male characters. It was refreshing. Another plus: I didn't notice any spelling/grammatical errors. So kudos. Also, your talent with description is really evident in this piece! You describe every action so brilliantly; I can clearly see it in my head. Plus, it's the perfect amount of description; not too much and not too little.

Anyway, you've done a great job with this and I only wish there was more to read!

I have to admit... this was just amazing

When I saw the banner layout part, I was thinking "Oh it's a Twilight story" (I followed the direct link from your journal). But this wasn't, so there's reason one why I like it so much, because I'm not a big fan of Twilight.

BUT ANYWAYS, I really liked this story because at first I thought it was a Cedric/Cho story so I liked the surprise when you revealed the girls name as Bren. I also enjoyed the part where you showed Cedric's less manly side at the end, it was refreshing. All in all it was a great story :D

Before I get started, I think it would be best if I told you that after the Harry Potter; Goblet of Fire movie, Robert Pattinson and I had gotten married and had five children. Then of course, he went and got himself into the Twilight franchise. Our love pretty much just shrivelled up after that.

Although I'm not too sure what the exact climax point in this one shot was - be it Bren's break down or Cedric's - I thought it was a rather pleasant slice of life short fiction to read. The irony of it was that while Cedric was so concerned for Bren, he really should have been more concerned for himself. Because, well, he died in the end. Yeah.

The end bit was quite new, because most writers don't show their (male) protagonists' softer side in their stories but I thought it was a nice, if rather unexpected, twist. With a few more brush-ups here and there, I can see this story (if you ever wanna turn it into a chaptered) turning out great.

Good work.