Let me just start of by saying that Brian as a hunter is bloody sexy. Good choice of character!!! Secondly, this was great. It really was. I had no idea what to expect with your prompt, but you chose a stereotypical hunter storyline and turned it into something unique with the addition of Brian. I enjoyed reading it so much. I liked the layout too. Easy to read, simple and unique. And the banner suited it too.
Of course, it wouldn't be much of a comment without some con crit, so..... The opening conversation could have been made a bit clearer, just reminding us who is saying what at times. You missed a few basic things, like full stops at the end of speech, so perhaps check up on your grammar. :) There were little things like how the mysterious stranger was apparently leaning on her car, but I swear you never said that he was, but only standing in front of it, so it was really weird when you said he got off the car, you know? So really be careful when you're proof-reading that you've conveyed everything properly and not missed anything out. "Because he never lets me do jobs, because she’s scared that I’ll go like my parents...." - duuuuuude.... Bobby's not a she..... Lol Another thing to watch, even though you didn't do it all the time, is something that I once got told to try to do, and it's helped my writing a lot. Starting sentence after sentence with the same word, usually "I" (which you did at some point) can get (for lack of a better word) annoying to read. So, spice it up and try to start every sentence with a new word. It's okay to use the same word for a few sentences in a row every so now and then, but trying really does help.
So that's all just stuff to think about :) Overall, really liked it. I think you did a great job and should be proud of this piece :) Hopefully the con crit was useful and you had fun writing. Good luck for the contest, and thanks again for entering :)
Secondly, this was great. It really was. I had no idea what to expect with your prompt, but you chose a stereotypical hunter storyline and turned it into something unique with the addition of Brian. I enjoyed reading it so much.
I liked the layout too. Easy to read, simple and unique. And the banner suited it too.
Of course, it wouldn't be much of a comment without some con crit, so.....
The opening conversation could have been made a bit clearer, just reminding us who is saying what at times.
You missed a few basic things, like full stops at the end of speech, so perhaps check up on your grammar. :)
There were little things like how the mysterious stranger was apparently leaning on her car, but I swear you never said that he was, but only standing in front of it, so it was really weird when you said he got off the car, you know? So really be careful when you're proof-reading that you've conveyed everything properly and not missed anything out.
"Because he never lets me do jobs, because she’s scared that I’ll go like my parents...." - duuuuuude.... Bobby's not a she..... Lol
Another thing to watch, even though you didn't do it all the time, is something that I once got told to try to do, and it's helped my writing a lot. Starting sentence after sentence with the same word, usually "I" (which you did at some point) can get (for lack of a better word) annoying to read. So, spice it up and try to start every sentence with a new word. It's okay to use the same word for a few sentences in a row every so now and then, but trying really does help.
So that's all just stuff to think about :)
Overall, really liked it. I think you did a great job and should be proud of this piece :)
Hopefully the con crit was useful and you had fun writing. Good luck for the contest, and thanks again for entering :)