Dream of Me - Comments

You've done a good job of keeping your layout simple, it helps your story better because it's like it complements your story. It's a light color like clouds that remind me of dreaming. "Sitting on cloud nine"

The summary was very interesting, had good start to it and it gave you enough information to give you a basic grasp without revealing too much about the story. You don't want to give away too many plots in the summary, if you do then there's no point in reading it in the first place. I read the first chapter, it was good, I just think he kinda rushed the romance a little. It was a lot too soon, they were kissing when they just met each other. I understand that they're soulmates but low and steady can also be romantic. But that's my preference and you aren't catering this story to me so don't worry too much. I do like this take on soulmates, there are a lot of ways you can present that but you almost made it like the move TiMER where they will meet at a certain time that's for sure and if they die it's over.

Overall good job with the story, hope you keep going with it.

This is such an interesting story! I love how you've developed the characters so far, and your writing style feels very smooth and is easy to follow with a nice rhythm to it. The premise of your story is really interesting, and I love that you've made Angel a strong female character with her own will who thinks for herself and fights for what she wants when it comes to seeing Noah. This story holds a lot of promise, great work!! :)

I love this. The summary made me want to know exactly what is happening. Your Character's voices are strong and I like how you switch from POV to POV very smoothly <- Which is a VERY hard thing to do. I really like this story- I think it is great can't wait to keep reading. Subscribing and recommending.

Suddenly I love comment swap. First off, the idea is incredible. I was interested as soon as I read the summary. After starting, I just became more fascinated. The one comment I would make is that it can be hard to tell when they're dreaming or not, thought I'm not sure if that's just a stylistic thing you chose to do since their dreams are so integral and connected to their reality. But I love Angel and Noah, they're amazing characters with a lot of depth. Keep up the good work!

So the comment swap thing sent me here and at first I wasn't sure if I was going to like it or not. But after reading the first three chapters I really like it a lot. The only thing I'm having trouble with is being able to tell when they are dreaming or not. It would help if you put the dreams in a different font or in italics or something. The summary was also a bit confusing I wasn't sure what the 3 rules were about until I was pretty far into it. But over all it's really good and I'm following it now and about to read chapter 4 which you said had good stuff in it. So I'm rather excited about this story! Keep up the good work!

So the comment swap thing sent me here and at first I wasn't sure if I was going to like it or not. But after reading the first three chapters I really like it a lot. The only thing I'm having trouble with is being able to tell when they are dreaming or not. It would help if you put the dreams in a different font or in italics or something. The summary was also a bit confusing I wasn't sure what the 3 rules were about until I was pretty far into it. But over all it's really good and I'm following it now and about to read chapter 4 which you said had good stuff in it. So I'm rather excited about this story! Keep up the good work!

Comment swap's been sending me weird things lately, but I'm so glad it sent me this!
This story is seriously awesome. It's incredibly unique, and I'd love to learn more about the whole Spade/Dreamer thing. I've never heard of a Spade before, but that could be because you created them, I don't know, haha.
The only thing I thought was kind of off was the reaction Noah had in chapter one. You said he was 16, but to me a 16 year old boy wouldn't behave that way. Then again, maybe it's a Spade thing, haha.
Well, I'm definitely subscribing!

Whoa. I really like the new summary!

Summary

I found the summary a bit confusing – both because of the wording and because of the info given. I think there are a few lines that aren’t necessary, clear, or interesting – and this may turn readers away. With a summary, I think it’s important to give information that’s going to give readers an idea of what the story is about and/or draw the reader in. You don’t want to bog down readers with unnecessary detail before they even start reading.

For example, in the first paragraph we learn about Angel and the death of her parents (which is important), but perhaps learning about how long they’ve been dead isn’t. That added part “four years later” is a bit awkward in wording, but it also makes the sentence too wordy.

In the second paragraph we learn about Noah, the fact that he’s a Spade and Angel is his Dreamer – all of which is important information. But the other part – “nineteen year old on his own in ignorance to his family of the last three years” – is both confusing* and not really need-to-know-information.

I think if you stuck to the important facts of this story, readers would find it much more interesting and would want to read on. Just giving one cohesive story about Noah and Angel and how they relate to each other would be more than enough to peak a reader’s interest – and all other detail can be given in the actual story’s content.

Also, I think readers in general, don’t like it when rhetorical questions with obvious answers are given in summaries. Things like “But he's just a dream, right? He's just a fictitious manifestation of her mind to help her cope with her loneliness, right?” or “So, is it a dream come true when she finally realizes that he is real? Or just a nightmare waiting to blow up in their faces? Through differences, arguments, and enemies alike, is love actually enough?” tend to come off as soap-opera-y and the answer is usually predictable.

I think you have a really interesting idea here (with the Spades and Dreamers) and I think it’s important to let readers see that idea and be captivated by it before launching into other aspects of the story. Also, because the idea itself is so interesting, you don’t need to fill the summary with fake suspense (all those questions) to draw readers in.

* I’m not sure who’s ignorance you’re referring to and what they’re ignorant of – is Noah ignorant of who his family is or is his family ignorant of what Noah is?

Chapter 1

At the start of this chapter, I had trouble gauging Noah’s age. Though you said he was sixteen (yes?), I felt he came off as much younger - maybe a preteen – both because of how his parents spoke to him and how he behaved.

As I read through his parent’s conversation and then his part in it, I felt the dialogue didn’t sound natural or real – it seemed too forced/planned – which took me out of the story a bit. I also found the mother’s actions a bit confusing. The night before she seemed devastated to learn that her son could possibly never find his soul mate, but the next day she walks into his room and seems to expect that he will somehow be fine (and ready to head off to school as normal). I think, from the way she behaved the night before and from her understanding of how big of a deal this is, she would be more compassionate and expect that he may not be up to going to school; I’d think she be a bit more tentative when entering his room, just a bit more aware of how this news may have affected him.

I thought the first meeting between Noah and Angel was cute – though perhaps too convenient. I think it would have been nice to see Noah try to function without her and to learn more about him and what life as Spade without a Dreamer would be like before bringing her back in. I think the concept of Spades is really interesting and I would have like to learn more about that – what exactly it is they do with their powers – before the romance started.

Similarly, I think it would have been nice to learn about Angel and who she is as an individual before pushing them together. She has an interesting background (with the death of her parents and her current mental health) and since you’re already telling two stories (or telling this story from two point of views), I think it would have been a nice addition.

* This line stuck out to me, the wording is really awkward: “ They concluded me as clinically Insomniac.” I think simply saying “I’ve got insomnia” or “I’ve been diagnosed with insomnia” would sound a bit better and more conversational.

* I noticed that sometimes the way you tag dialogue is incorrect. If you look here (Mibba’s Dialogue Rules thread), you can get an idea of how to capitalize and deal with punctuation in dialogue.

So, I was brought here through the comment swap system on here. I don't plan on reading all of this tonight, but I've read the first chapter and it's an interest concept. I do to an extent believe in soul mate's personally, but that theory can be taken any way. Anyways, I shall subscribe to this and read more of it later. Thank you for posting a decent original fiction. ^_^

I like your layout. ;D

But on a serious note, oh my god.
Seriously. Oh my god.
I'm utterly hooked and addicted to this story. If this were literally a published book, I wouldn't be able to put it down even when I absolutely needed to. This is perfection. Continue writing! ♥

This is a very interesting plot. It had me addicted right away. I agree with a few of the comments below. It does move a bit fast into her meeting him, and we don't have enough information on her personally first.
I've only read to were they met, but it's still very good. Please, continue writing!

This is a very interesting plot. It had me addicted right away. I agree with a few of the comments below. It does move a bit fast into her meeting him, and we don't have enough information on her personally first.
I've only read to were they met, but it's still very good. Please, continue writing!

I was like woah, look at this plot? duuuuude.
like I've never heard of that.
I've heard of like wolves and soul mates and stuff like that but I never thought of beings going into dreams searching for dreamers. I'm wondering where in the world you thought of this because this is so unique and interesting!
I like the layout too. I think it puts a warm, dreamy and hazy essence to the story and it's inviting and I like that.
however, I do feel that we should've been introduced to her life a little more before just jumping into things between the two of them.
it moves a little fast and I would've liked to get to know her a bit better before it hopped into everything.
anyways, keep on writing!

-comment swap-
I really like this. However, I think it does move a bit too fast in meeting her. I really like the characters and the plot. It's not normal and I like it. I'm really excited to see how this story flourishes. Keep writing.

Oh! Also, I really enjoy the layout <3

Subscribed.

I think this is a pretty good story. I like the dream aspect and the plot seems very well developed, in my own opinion. I do agree about the layout, but I think the ONLY thing that really needs to be fixed is the width of the box, not necessarily the size of the words. This story is a very well developed and I enjoy feeling as if I'm dreaming with the characters.

Like everyone else, I find the plot unique and interesting. I don't feel like the font is too small, though.

In chapter one, I feel like he meets her too quickly. One line he's grieving, and the next he sees her. I feel like that could have been in the next chapter, after at least a few days, so the readers don't get the feeling of "oh, well that was convenient."

But I love how you capture Noah's emotions. The diction is really amazing.

Keep writing! It's really good so far.

I really love the concept. It's fresh and original and quite lovely. I'm not going to mention the font because everyone else has. As far as characters go, Noah is intriguing. He's very sensitive and that's refreshing. However, I found it hard to read Angel's chapters because she is kind of whiny. I can tell you want her to come across as a strong, spunky character, but to me the points when she complains to Noah about him not finding her and not caring about her make her seem needy and clingy. I found it hard to like her and want them to get together and everything. Otherwise, I think you have a lot to go off of here. Keep up the good work.

I'm not sure how I feel about the layout. It definately is a cute picture, but the font is too small.
As far as the story, it is a very original, cute plot. I'm going to be coming back and finishing the rest when I get back home(:

Oh wow, what an original plot! I really loved your summary! My only complaint is the font size. It's small, it was kind of hard to read. I'm not a fan of the chapter layout, it's just to spread out but I can get over that :) Overall though, you're a good writer, and the story so far has interested me! Keep writing!