October 1st, 2009 at 07:41am
I found this story under your signature and was attracted by the MSI title so I read it, I soon found out that I couldn't sreading even if I wanted. The words pulled me in the girl's life and just hearing her situation the way you write it is great. You have a good grasp of how you want your character to be, yet she tends to end up being perhaps a little cliché, trying to fit in and being pested physically at school.
I like how she only has a real connection with her younger brother, yet, perhaps you should put in more parts in the story about the rest of her family instead of telling it through just paragraphs. Put in some dialogue from during dinner, let her talk to her mother about school work or something, to her father about not being able to go with him next time he goes out with his 4X4 in nature. Or just with her brothers, asking them help with something, just to show the bonds they have with each other. The story lacks a it of that. You focus (in my honest opinion) too much on Molly and Dury.
Is this original fiction (except the title) or do you plan on introducing a band throughout the story? If so, which band (and if you are, I'm guessing the used...)?
Otherwise you have a pretty good story going on here.
Just... amazing. Just perfect.
I'm really interested, going to keep up with this one =)