The Alpha's Baby - Comments

love this please update soon like nowish lol

Loved the latest update... tho I hope they work it out xx

I loved itX^D
I hope things works out and they can have a happy ending
Update soon
I can't wait to find out what happen X^P

Also, some people can train their horses to lay down for movies or performances in the circus and stuff

Also, some people can train their horses to lay down for movies or performances in the circus and stuff

Just so you know, horses only lay down when they are dying, really ill, or giving birth. They sleep standing up.

Roman is going to go crazy when he finds out that Denae "died". I wonder if he can actually fight the demon

Love the story! cant wait for more!

Aww that's sad
i really hope they make things right..
i love the chapter
Update soon
I can't wait to see what's next XD

i loved the story i hope they have a happy ended update soon i can't wait to read more XD

I don't usually read original fiction but I really like this! I've subscribed and can't wait for you to update!!

I agree completely with XoXHaysXoX. All of the notes she made, I'd take them into consideration. The grammatical errors don't really bother me--they're always going to be there, but the passive voice is something that I consider a huge problem. Such as in the beginning, instead of telling the story...show us. Have the first chapter being where she meet him, show us her fear, reveal some of those nice guys...just a thought.

Just...the passive voice. The story-line seems great, just give the readers more to go on.

Update soon love this

I totally agree with the critic of xoxhaysxox, this has potential. I'm so rooting for Adam, they really deserve each other.

Love the latest chapters... can't wait to read more :) update soon xx

I like the story and am glad that I decided to read the story after there not being a summary. If you need any help with a summary, I'll gladly help give you ideas. The story is really good. Update soon?

Love this please update soon so freaking good

The story somehow caught my attention, but when I opened the story, hoping to read a summary/ something that may help me move on to read the story, there wasn't one. All I saw was you begging people to read your story and to give you feedback about your writing.

Chapter 1:
I did notice you tend to write with a passive voice. I also noticed that in your first chapter you wrote jackass as two words and the way you were using it had a completely different meaning to it. Also you messed up on comma usage in your sentence "I had started to lose hope in finding my other half, until Roman walked in the door." You had "I had started to lose hope in finding my other have until Roman walked in the door."

You forgot a word in this sentence "A few months my birthday he started to change." I believe you are missing the word 'after' in between the words months and my.

"At first I just thought it was jealousy." should be "At first, I just thought it was jealousy." There are many more places that need commas. Just ask me if you want me to tell them to you. Either that, or you could read it, and where ever you seem to pause while reading, there should probably be a comma in that spot. Just a little advice that my English teacher has taught me!

I didn't really notice any spelling errors, except for the jackass thing.

"You can make sure your pack members are safe and sound but you come home to inflict verbal and physical pain to your mate, the woman you are supposed to love, the woman who is pregnant with your child..." should end with one period.

"How did I end up with this... I don't even know what to call him." should be "How did I end up with this- I don't even know what to call him!"

Chapter 2:

"I used to have many friend, the best friends." That doesn't really make sense. Try "I used to have a lot of friends." or " I used to have tons of friends." other words meaning a lot would make a point.

This paragraph needs some fixing too. "I jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I was really sore. I had a couple of bruises on my chest, arms and legs. Roman's fingerprints had started to fade on my neck. He had choked me last week because I didn't want to attend the pack meeting. I had morning sickness and I was so tired. I could hardly keep my eyes open. He grabbed my throat and pinned me to the wall. I clawed at his hands, trying to break free."You are coming with me and that is final. Denae you are very bad at following rules. When I tell you to do something you do it. Do you understand me?" I couldn't speak because I couldn't breath. I nodded at him and he released me. I fell to the floor gasping for air." Maybe instead of just talking about what happened have an actual flashback. You can have the first part of the paragraph but after that change it into a flashback.

Like this "I jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I was really sore. I had a couple of bruises on my chest, arms and legs. Roman's fingerprints had started to fade on my neck. He had choked me last week because I didn't want to attend the pack meeting.

"Denae, you are going to the pack meeting with me. You are my mate," Roman said.

"Roman, I'm tired. Can I just sleep?" I asked. I've just puked and I am extremely tired.That pissed him off. The next thing I know is I'm against a wall with Roman's hands around my neck, cutting off the air going to my lungs.

"You are coming with me and that is final. Denae you are very bad at following rules. When I tell you to do something you do it. Do you understand me?" he asked getting really close to my face. I had no choice, but to listen to him. I nodded my head not able to do anything else. When he released me I fell to the floor gasping for air."

In this chapter you also forgot to put a ' in the words can't and don't. You didn't use the right form of to/too/two. You also have some passive writing and some words that should be replaced by other words to make more sense.

There are probably more errors, but I don't feel like telling you about them. I just want to read your story right now. Actually I'm extremely tired so if you want me to tell you about more errors then I surely will. Only if you ask though.

Here is a grammar sight that I have recently found. It tells you about everything, but punctuation. That is the only downfall.

I'm sorry if I seem like an English teacher or something, I'm not trying to be. I just wanted to help you out. If somebody would help me out like this I would probably be a little upset that I'm that bad, which I probably am pretty bad at grammar. I have checked some of my work in the grammar checker and found that I had made some mistakes, which I gladly fixed.

I do like your story though, it is like the ones that I read on another site called Wattpad. Any who, happy writing and again I'm sorry if I sound like a grammar whore or something, because I'm not!

I love it!!
Roman seems like such an ass!! He if he hates himself for hurting her he should just stop!! And maybe he already knew she was pregnant maybe thats why he started acting strange!!
Please update soon!!

more please update soon