Skin & Bones - Comments

Wow, this story has got such amazing depth and detail.
I can read it and truly see the setting and understand the feelings you wanted to portray into the story. i'm interested to continue reading as I haven't completed the whole thing yet but it sounds as though it is very interesting, I'd love to read more and see what direction the story takes. It truly depicts what I think a story should, clear detail and information about the setting. It’s something I often find hard to include in my own stories and I applaud the effort taken to completely entangle readers into the story itself. I love the detail of both content and of wording. It also presents good verbal communication amongst charters, which presents great detail as to what level the story is. I think that I will keep reading as best I can and may even subscribe to this story :) PS. Great writing and commitment to the story (if that’s not what all of what I have said meant??...)

*Comment Swap*

To start off; I love the concept you have taken. Skin & Bones is such a beautiful title with so much depth and meaning. I often find that choosing a title is a lot harder than writing the actual story, and I normally just 'settle' on a title, but yours seems to set the entire story.

I know this has been said before, but the grammatical errors were quite off-putting, and I'm also not a fan of the white writing against the black background. Of course, this is only my preference.

Anyway, I'll stay subscribed just 'cause it sounds interesting!!

First of all, I really really like the plot.
I also love the layout.
I just have a few pieces off advice to give out.
I'm not going into detail about this, but you should probably go through and proof read. A few of your sentences just don't make sense.
Now keep in mind that I only read up to chapter six.
But so far, I just don't find Noah believeable. His dad just died and he went into a downfall, yet his narration just seems too... Open. Personally, I see a more angry reaction. Where he says 'Don't they know it hurts?' at the end of the chapter, I would expect something more like 'What the fuck would they know about me?'
Anyway, the plot is amazing and I can see it'll be great, but PERSONALLY, I think you just need to hash out the details a little. :)

This a really good story! I really enjoy the idea of this story, and I really like your use of description. The only thing that I have to say about this, really, is that you could use a little help with some grammatical errors, but that's about it. Other than that, I'm really impressed with how you wrote this! It's pretty amazing. :). I can't wait to finish reading it.

i like this, it's a nice idea and you definitely know what you're doing with your characters (i'm from the comment swap thing by the way). the only thing i really have to say about it otherwise in the sense of advice is maybe be sure to look out for grammatical errors when you're writing, like forgetting commas, or making sure you're sentences end in periods. all of those can be easily fixed though. good luck with your story!

I'm really surprised at how intense these comments are haha. I REALLY love this story and I truly hope you can continue with it, don't worry about the little grammatical errors, you can always edit those when you want to publish something. The story line is super interesting and I love it so much! So happy I found this x

You have a tendency to forget commas, and that's a pet peeve of mine. That did distract me a little. However, your characters seem really strong and I love that. I can't wait to see how their stories go and how they intertwine, so I will be subscribing. I didn't read all the way through today but I will be catching up soon.

(Comment Swap)the light purple links works better then the white text, on this black back ground.
(Chapter 8)
Interesting language here, I can clearly see whay it's rated this high.
"no problem hugging her to him" leaves me confused, just not quite wotking, and I'm not sure what to suggest.
“Noah you’re being very rude who’s this" is “Noah, you’re being very rude, who’s this", since ti would sound more natural, while I leave her choice of words out, since it's a quote.
Or I could say her choice of words goes with the general impression of how people speak here?
"mates and Ally and is one of my" is odd? or just an 'and' too much, since it is in narrative?
"laughed I stayed" is "laughed, I stayed" both emphasis, and the natural rythem?
very interesting dialect, where' you come by this?
I guess it had been expressed earlier, but not maken a point out of, so it's natural for the guy not to like this place?

There are a few grammatical errors, nothing that can't be fixed though. This story is pretty cool. You have a generally good idea. There seems to be a lot of dialogue in this story. But not to bad.

The layout is very pretty. I love how you have the chapters set up, it's cool.

Keep updating.

I thought that you had a very clever idea that they were both comparable to being the skin and bones. They make a brilliant contrast. I really thought that you really made the characters come to life, and they were very realistic. I saw a few grammar errors, but I don't want to bore you. If you would like a synopsis though, I would gladly give you one if you message me. Other than that this is only great.

The story is amazing. Really the idea of it is great. But in a way you need to get a little bit more in to the character's personality and why they are like they are. Overall, it is really good. It is really good. I like the contrast of Skin and Bones. It is simply amazing and I think I probably would have never come up with it. So good for the original idea. It is honestly good. And I would like to know more about the story and I would like to read more into this story.

The contrast between skin and bones is a very sweet concept and it is a most wonderful idea. Problem is, your writing style is a bit muddled. The commas are misplaced, you have some awkward phrases and missing words, unrealistic dialogue, and some misspellings. I believe that you need to revise this some, to get to know the characters, their situation, make it real. Put yourself in the shoes of the characters and understand them, know them as if they are real people who have had lives before the story, and will have lives after. At the moment, the foundations of your writing just need to spruced up. Just develop a functional writing style, do some character profiles, and pay attention to the flow of real time conversation in your daily life so as to portray the spoken word in your story more clearly and effectively. Good luck, and I hope this comment has helped you in some way. :)

i really like this. the title, and the whole idea of her being skin and him being bones is really really lovely. i don't know why but i really like that about it.

it's a great idea, and for the most part i enjoy your writing, but sometimes your dialogue seems a little strained. that aside, it's really great. i'm only a few chapters in and i can't wait to see what's going to happen next! <3

I like this. I only read the first chapter so far.

I saw a few misspellings, but I never even look for those when I read stories on here. You spelled definitely "defiantly", which is a common thing for writers (or people to do).

I know moving into a new town is tough. I can't wait to meet Mia - also, that's one of my favorite names :)

Good job so far.

This story sounds really interesting, and I would love to continue reading it. There are a few things you should watch out for that might make people turn away from reading the story upon first glance.

One: You tend to use run-on sentences. It isn't a bad thing to combine two sentences; I do it all the time. But when you run-on, you tend to not use commas so it makes you seem like you have improper grammar. I hope that makes sense. For example: From their embrace where I failed to move I could see my cousin Sara walk out of the neighbor’s house a girl who looked roughly our age followed her out waving her off. It's almost too much of a run-on, and you should have used commas to portray the image better. Just something to correct.

Two: I noticed a few word misused, if that makes sense as well. Two that I noticed right off the bat were "defiantly" where it should really be "definitely." That is a very common mistake that the majority of writers on here use, but be aware that you are using the wrong word. Second, used said "suite" instead of "suit." These are two different words with different meanings and different pronunciation. Just so you are aware. Maybe proofread before you post each chapter.

I know previous comments have pointed out others errors, but there are just two things that I noticed within the first chapter. I think you have a great story idea here, but the lack of proof-readings and the amount of errors in your story takes the reader away from the plot and just makes us want to correct you.

Good luck in upcoming chapters though! :)

All right. There are some grammatical errors. The previous comments have pointed a lot of them out already, so I'm not going to make myself sound insanely stupid and redundant.
However, I didn't see comments about an error I happened to notice in the description.
Mia lived in a small town all her life she knew one set of rules and one way of living and she thought that was enough until she met Noah. Big city Noah who contradicts everything that Mia believes, at first glance he is trouble but is there really something more that lays just beneath the surface.
It should be something like this:
Mia lived in a small town all her life; she knew one set of rules and one way of life. She thought that was enough, until she met Noah. Big city Noah, who contradicts everything that Mia believes. At first glance, he is trouble.. but is there something more that lays just beneath the surface?
You just need to work on your sentence structure and punctuation. As suggested before, you should really invest in a beta, someone with good grammar.

' like home, it was' I'd suggest a semi colon rather than a comma here, as you're not actually trying to break up the sentence.
Porches”. should be Porches." though I can see why you put it where you did.
My Aunt Beth, my mothers sister needs a comma after 'sister'.
and this part ' but still didn’t mean' between 'but' and' still', you need either 'it' or 'that'. I understand it may be a speaking feature, but it's necessary for correct punctuation.
Most of the problems I can see here are due to punctuation errors; so I suggest asking around for a beta to edit your work correctly. Your spelling is good, however, and your plot line is intriguing.
Though I did notice you spelt 'fucking' 'fucken' which is wrong.

Please do invest in getting a beta, the punctuation really brings this piece down and lowers it's potential.

I didn't read the previous chapter, but the opening line of this is great. It pulls you in and there's a ferocity captured in the opening lines. I like the reaction we see of Mia.

The part where he says he hates her small voice because it's out of character is great. There are a lot of ways you could paint that in a really over-worded form, but the simplicity of this captures that small voice and I appreciate it.

You have a lot of run on sentences. The sentence starting with 'My Aunt Beth' in the second paragraph could be broken up in at least two different spots. It's a little difficult to keep going with no pauses written in.

You're spelling 'fucking' wrong.

Right now I'm not really hooked. I'm going to skip a few chapters ahead and comment that as well.

This is really great and after I'm done commenting I'm going to subscribe. I really like how real Noah seems. It's not just like he's this bad kid, but is something more than that. I think that's important in stories because everyone is a little bit more than what they appear. Very lovely job :) I like the contrast between Mia and Noah too.