Sentimental Heart - Comments

Thanks so much for entering in my contest. I am currently judging all of the enteries. So far your three chapters are amazing. I can't wait to see what the arena is going to be like!

im so proud of this story!! you're doing a wonderful job jo jo!! :D

I can't wait for him to meet the other tributes and get in the arena! At the very end, in the mother's dialogue, it should be 'now' and not 'know.' small mistake.

:)

So I found your story on comment swap but am SO glad I did. Right at the summary i knew I'd love your story. I'm a huge hunger games fan and have yet to come across a hunger games fix here yet. That being said i just wanted to say that I love your backround. I think it goes really well with your story and doesn't take away from the story or isn't hard to read. On another not really important note inlove your title.:) onto the actual story,I thought it flowed really well,and made it seem like you didn't have to be a huge hunger games fan to enjoy your story. There were also no grammar or spelling mistakes and the story flowed easily. Right away you're very descriptive and really help the reader. As soon as j read the first chapter I was hooked right away, and subscriped and recommended it. I can't wait for the rest of it or for whatever else you put out. You're a very talented writer, and know your story is going to be excellent. :)

I love the layout. The wooden background with the flowers all works together for the perfect feel, especially tied in with the gorgeous banner that you've picked. However, I don't really like all the character pictures in the summary. For me, it makes the layout much too busy.

I like starting off with the description of Ten and how life goes there, especially all the talk about the cows and their not being phased and such. It fits well with the banner you've chosen.

I get a feel for the life of this character early on, the ins and outs of the every day, and that's great.

A teen pregnancy?! What a twist! I've never seen that in a THG story, so good on you for coming up with that. I would never have thought of it, and it adds so much more to the story.

So far, this is excellent. I would point out mistakes if I saw any!

Ee! I love the layout.

Anyway, I noticed this isn't like any Hunger Games fan fiction I have read. This guy is a father! I was instantly drawn in by the summary. Bravo!

"I look out into the the distance as far as I could..." - tense confusion. Should probably be - as far as I can...

"...cows to tend to today." In this sentence you've already stated that it was 'today'. My suggestion is to take out the 'today' at the end of the sentence.

“…and heard the cows into a barn.” You herd animals – no ‘a’ :)

“ finally -if a bit grudingly- excepted.” Hm, do you mean accepted?

Also in your summary it says he is 17 and in the story 18.

It’s great so far and I can’t wait to see how this all plays out.

I will be keeping in touch!