Orchestra of Breathing - Comments

  • AJDWriter

    AJDWriter (100)

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    This was very beautiful. I agree with daisyfairy that I also thought it was perhaps a woman writing to her husband or lover during a war. Towards the end it seemed to become the words of a desperate man. It was a very ambiguous and androgynous letter. You were able to bring out several senses in this piece. You were able to use words to create sounds that gave sentiment to the piece. You achieved your objective very well. This creates interest in me to read more of your work as I feel that you have a very strong voice.
    September 3rd, 2014 at 11:40pm
  • daisyfairy

    daisyfairy (495)

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    this is gorgeous. it's subtle, and the letter format really suits it. it's really poignant and just lovely. i like that it's (pretty much) nameless and genderless too, because when i started i imagined it as a woman morning the loss of her relationship with a man, but as i got further it switched to the other way around for me.

    i'd love to know some backstory for this too, like maybe just a mini prequel or something, but that's just because i thought it was so good. it definitely works well like this though, i'm just greedy. <3
    July 24th, 2012 at 05:59pm
  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

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    I thought this was really sweet, but really sad at the same time. You used more than enough description, which was amazing, because I was visualizing S's beloved.
    Okay, so here's my favorite part:
    Someone told me to let go of you but how can I? Everywhere I turn, everywhere I look, your presence is screaming at me. The creaking of the couch you used to sit at, the rustle of pages when you read a book. The clink of the spoon against the tea cup, the clank of the fork in the kitchen basin. The thump of your feet hitting the stairs when you rushed down to answer the door, the shuffling when you walked across the room, mumbling to yourself. The sharp rapping of the computer keyboard and the muffled splashing of the shower and the jingle of the keys in the front door.
    This entire paragraph just really drew me in. I loved it.

    You did a great job on this story. From the description to the layout, it's all around amazing.
    June 27th, 2012 at 11:16pm