Are You My Father? - Comments

@ Bullet From A Gun;;
Thanks:) and cant wait

@ Bullet From A Gun;;
Ooohhh. Ok. Lol. :)

@ xXLostXSoulXLoverXx
Lol, she's younger, he's suppose to be 18, and she's 17

He has a daughter that's "older" than him lol. Can't wait for more :)

@ KillJoySynner
Lol, that's really funny and ill try and update tmm ^_^

Wooooo! love the update! wonder how her reaction will be. I bet she'll flip out and start curing up a storm the be all like 'well, im done, and sleepy, wheres my cat!?!' lol sorry, random mind:P great update. cant wait for more. i really like this story:)

@ KillJoySynner
thank you so much and I will in a minute or so ^_^

I really hope that you update soon:) I can't wait:)

Thank you :)

I like the idea and the story itsself! It's very good for your first TwiFic (a Twilight fan story)
I did, however, notice some things that might help make the story better!
On the first chapter you have an introduction into the main character, Wendy. It's a good start, but I notice that there are some grammatical errors. In your introduction you write "Oh and yea I'm 17."
After you introduce Wendy (with her name,) you could put her age somewhere after that. For example: "My name is Wendy Masen Hyde. I'm seventeen, and this is my story." or something that suits your writing style.

There's also some punctuation errors, but they aren't a big deal. When you start new paragraphs (especially with quotations) put spaces in between them so readers don't get lost. Example: You write ""WENDY!!" My aunt screamed
"Get up your gonna be late for your first day." She said opening the door to see that I was wide awake dressed and ready to go. See the strange thing is that I never sleep (It been like the since I was little)but yet I'm never tired either. I also grow faster than the people my age. I can hear things a mile away I can see things with such clarity and this might sound weird to you but every time I see someone I scan them as in I find out their name where they are from everything like that."

If you wanted to make it better, you could write it like this: ""WENDY!!" My aunt screamed. "Get up your gonna be late for your first day." She said opening the door to see that I was wide awake dressed and ready to go. See the strange thing is that I never sleep (It been like the since I was little), but yet I'm never tired either. I also grow faster than the people my age. I can hear things a mile away. I can see things with such clarity, and this might sound weird to you, but every time I see someone, I scan them as in I find out their name where they are from everything like that."

In chapter three, you write: "http://www.polyvore.com/school_clothes/set?id=41257494 and much more. I walked back home at like around six and at around 9:00 I changed into my pj'swww.polyvore.com/wendys_pjs/set?id=41361279 and pretended to go to sleep, but what I really was go up on the roof and watch the stars"

What I usually do when I have a direct link for my characters', I put it in my author's note. And when you want to have a direct link look like a link, do this: [url][/url] so it's easier, and it's not interrupting your story. Just place the link between the [url] and [/url] :)

I've noticed throughout your story, you change point-of-view frequently and have pauses.. When you want to do that, I suggest put some ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ underneath the first character's point-of view and above the second character's point-of-view or under the part before the pause and the part after the pause so that your reader can tell when the point-of-view is changing or there's a pause in the story.
Example:
You write in chapter five: ""Sure if you don't mind if I take your journals home."
"Sure."
Edward P.O.V
I took her album and showed it to carlisle.
"I know her mother carlisle, well I knew her before she died that is.""

To change point-of-view:
" "Sure if you don't mind if I take your journals home."
"Sure."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edward

I took her album and showed it to carlisle.
"I know her mother carlisle, well I knew her before she died that is."
(I made "Edward" bold by putting around it)

Other than that, I really like it! And I can't wait to read more! You have a very intriguing way of writing, and I hope you keep writing more stories! :)