Default - Comments

I am not a fan of layout but that's just personal preference and I can read the story fine so it's no problem.
I don't think the lyrics at the beginning are needed at all. I really like your first sentence though, it's has a serious impact straight away. Maybe even put in a completely separate paragraph?
"I feigned for it's wondrous demise." I think maybe the meaning of feigned confused with something else because that sentence didn't make sense to me
The "crack baby" oxymoron was really effective, especially considering it was at the end of the piece, it gave the whole story a feeling of hopelessness which is something not many people are brave enough to attempt. Overall, this was a great piece with almost a poetic flow in parts, good job

"Violent red streaks." That was the first thing that got me hooked on your story. I simply adore your diction in everything you write. It makes the story real, believable, intense. The last line of the story was a fantastic wrap up, and it really completed the circle. Fantastic job!

Dudeeee that was awesome!! :D I liked it very much.. it must suck to be in that situation :/ haaa I like it really, your grammar and the way you describe it is just wonderful. :D loved it!!

Wow. That was intense. The narrator, like I could feel the nervousness in her... she needs the substance, and she can't function without it. Her mother's role in her kind-of addiction was surprising but a good touch to the story. It adds so much to the narrator's background, her situation, her emotions.

I really love the last two lines. The first part of the paragraph before gave a bit of hope to me, but the last two lines ended the story with a dark mood. It's a great contrast, and, again, I like the narrator's voice.

First I gotta say
I love your layout

Now with your story
This was actually wonderful
You written this very well
I could relate to some of this, just by the addiction part.
The beginning and the ending of the story really got me.

I wish this was more then just a one-shot
I can't wait to see more from you
Keep up the great work.

<3

Oh my god, this is was just wonderful and so well written =] I'm really jealous haha.