War Hero - Comments

Wow, just wow.

I loved it - I mean, it took me a while to read it since I know someone who’s died in the army. But, this was moving. Short story or not, it was most definitely worth a read. Your writing captures people like flies to honey.

Keep up the amazing job x

This is a very poignant piece of writing. The writing, itself, is quite immaculate, there are no blatant flaws I can point out.

However, one thing that mystifies me is the time line. The first sentence is a very strong beginning stance but does this all take place within one day? Does the main character's departure take place on the same day as the boy's burial? Because from the looks of it, it does. But if that is the case, one paragraph seems to contradict it.

"Living with my mother after the accident had taught me the importance of the quiet. Any extreme and sudden sound would have her in screaming panic for days on end."
It does seem rather unrealistic to have the burial and her departure on the same day. And by the way, instead of 'the quiet', I would change it to 'quietness' or some thing similar as 'the quiet' does not make too much sense.

Though, if the time frame of this story is on different days, then I recommend to possibly add a little more about why the main character's mother is rendered so apathetic and her bouts of mania. I find that it is a bit improbable that one would be that affected by some one else's child. Were the mother and the buried child close? Or is the mother just afraid that the same consequence will befall on her own child?

Also, another line that eludes me is, " “My first tour.” " Maybe it is my lack of war intellect that I do not understand this. Or I am just not getting it.

Apart from what I have pointed out, though this is a short piece of writing, it is very well done. Good job.

this is simply beautiful. first of all, the layout really is lovely, and it fits perfectly with the story. it was just perfect. haunting, sad, and written with such beautiful words i found myself tearing up a little at the end. it was simply lovely. i can't state that enough. <3

Oh my god. This is.... this is... heart wrenching. As someone with family in the service... this breaks the heart
You have a beautiful writing style. you convey the delicate emotions of this story with such clarity.
Your first sentence was magic, immediately startling the reader into continuing. I couldn't take my eyes away from the words on my screen.
Truly, truly, touching. I'm very glad i found this. The only bad thing i could say is that the text is a bit small, but then im sorta blind and my laptop is small so maybe its just me lol
But anyways, I hope you continue it.

This is really sad. Words can't describe this because, to me, I can really see the heart and the thought put into this story.