Dreams Aren't For Sale. - Comments

You should really continue, it's amazing so far.

I really like this story. Very interesting, and really different from the stories I usually read. Please update again soon! :)

woah.
Amazing.
I actually like this story.
Kudos

This is different, which is refreshing.
I've subscribe. ;]

Wow, just wow.
This story is written so great, love the descriptions and just everything.
-subscribes-
Can't wait to read more.
xo

This is a really amazing story.
It's written in an interesting way.
I like how the character view everything.
It's pessimistic trying to be optimistic.

The car lights passes by all of us, flickering on our faces just for a moment then moving on. So much like life in a way, the light passes us by, although most of us don’t even know what we are looking at, the drugs are far too deep into our systems. Sitting on the side of the highway, this is my scene, needles lying around, beer bottles broken at our feet and a cig on my lip.
I love this paragraph, and it works so well to open the story. It gives me the feel of how surprisingly philosophical drug addicts can be.

It isn’t like I am a punk, trying to be all “bad ass.” This is seriously me, I am not rebelling my parents, I am not rebelling authority, I am not doing this to be cool, this is my peace time.
I like how she's a bit defensive about how she's not just another kid doing something so she advances a notch on the coolness scale.

I like how you had a lot of detail, but not to the point where it was overwhelming. I noticed some grammatical errors, but we're all guilty of that, and there's nothing huge, not big enough to interrupt the smooth flow of the narrative.

Oh my gawsh this is amazing so far! Please write more soon I cannot WAIT to read it. Your writing seems so natural and has such a great flow to it. It's very smooth and easy to read and theres deffinitely some emotion. =]

I rather liked the metaphors.

Whether they really are metaphors, or something
I just made up in my mind, I don't really know.

I really like - and okay this is going to sound so
overused - your writing. Your form of writing is like...
amazing, for lack of more pretentious words.

In general, for a nutshell, I really like this. =)

The car lights passes by all of us, flickering on our faces just for a moment then moving on. So much like life in a way, the light passes us by, although most of us don’t even know what we are looking at, the drugs are far too deep into our systems. An interesting insight into drugs. It suggests that the person describing the scene has been into drugs long enough to know what will happen, but stands out from the other druggies in that she notices it enough to know that she never usually notices it. A good opening line, anyway.

Yeah, that would be me, the ‘poor little white girl’ mixed into this mess. Again - interesting! It shows that she knows she's not the deepest character ever, giving her a unique identity. I liked this line a lot, in summary :tehe:

It isn’t like I am a punk, trying to be all “bad ass.” This is seriously me, I am not rebelling my parents, I am not rebelling authority, I am not doing this to be cool, this is my peace time.

Everyone teaches that drugs are bad for you, yeah; I bet they are but they give you the filling of being complete. Maybe that is why drugs are illegal, everyone in authority already feels complete, and no one else deserves a chance to feel that way. This line is by far my favourite so far :cheese: It's just so... So pure and bluntly stated. The fact that she feels drugs are being withheld from selfishness, not for their safety, it's just amazingly unique. It also shows her hatred for authority, which sparks the question - how long has she been taught to hate them? How long has she been on the drugs? ONWARDS.

stand, Alex, and Aaron where both passed out, Elijah took a swig of his beer, looks up at me and nods. This line confused me a little, do you she is standing where they are passed out? You changed tenses also, but it's no big deal :cute: It doesn't draw the reader from the running of the story.

I feel the wind rushing through my hair, I feel as though I could fly. Then my feet hit, the cold pavement. I fall down and throw up all over the sidewalk. Beautiful. The pure irony of this sentence is brilliant. Out of the two stories I've reviewed today, this is by far my favourite :cute:. It's so brutally honest, and her sarcasm, even in this state is brilliant, almost admirable.

no one wants something from me, I have nothing to give. Maybe this could relate back to her. It did in my mind, it related to how low she felt and her low self esteem. If some pervert got hold of her, he could do a lot of things, but even then she feels she couldn't give anything, suggesting she feels she's worthless. An interesting insight :cute:

I reach the block where my house is. Next to the Church. From my understanding it was an all black church, called Soul Harbor. I don’t know if it was Catholic, Methodist, or whatever, if people all believe in God, then why don’t they all just stay together? You begin to change tenses a little more, making it a little hard to follow, but that is the only issue with this chapter. This ramble suggests she is more and more out of it by the second, hinting at a possibility of danger, and also that she is passionate about certain things. You've introduced this story amazingly, and I wish to read more immediatly. :cute:

It's funny to read your story. it's good, but it reminds me of home.

good so far. only thing is that you have some run-on sentences. the ideas and the overall style are great, however. loved it. thanks so much for telling me about it. (if you get the time could you read Iero; Frank Iero? It's funny, I promise. XD

Wow, this is very good - should I stretch to amazing or just leave it at very good? (:

I really felt it. I love how it began - I always have problems with beginning.

I bet they are but they give you the filling of being complete. Maybe that is why drugs are illegal, everyone in authority already feels complete, and no one else deserves a chance to feel that way.
That is one hell of a good view on that shit. I totally felt that and I sort of agree, to a point. (:

I am surprised the cops aren’t here yet, maybe someone tired to break a bank.
I understand that, and is "tired" supposed to be "tried" or is it just me being on guard?

I am not scared to walk at night, it is easier than during the day actually.
I feel that. I find a better feeling when it's darker. It's also a good time to think without masses of distractions, you know?

Well, it was Shell Shore Villa, now it is just ‘hell hore.’ Some stupid thirteen year olds thought it would be funny to steal the other letters.
100% believable. Haha.

Not that I care, I don’t need a family, I can do this one my own.
Again, am I being picky or should that be "on" and not "one"?

And I think that was a good place to end it/leave it at.
:cute:

I liked this. It's different from a lot of the stories on this site for once.

I saw a few grammar errors, but everyone's guitly of that, and it's nothing bad enough to take away from the story. Overall it was very good.

My favorite part would have to be the first paragraph. Great phrasing. Great beginning.

I've never read anything written by you, this makes me want to.

Yeah, that would be me, the ‘poor little white girl’ mixed into this mess.

I love how you have described the settings, about where she lives and that gives you more of an idea about her lifestyle. I love it.

i like this a lot. you're descriptive without being too overpowering, and everything flows very well indeed :)
it's very vivid too, which is nice.

xxx

Personally, I loved it.

You really managed to set the scene and this girls life extremly well and it's pretty obvious this girls life isn't easy and from what I can see it's just going to get rougher.

You really managed to make me see each character as if they were alive and breathing.

The way she refers to her mom as her real name then Mom implies there is a weak relationship between the two and I can imagine the 'hell hore' thing extremly clear. I got a strong idea of who her mom is and everything in this story seemed so real to me.

It was scary how real it seemed, That is seriously good writing.
Your writing is fantastic, Really. You should continue.