Alright, I'm a huge hawks fan and of course, the captain. So may I suggest that you space the events out and give more detail? Readers like to be enticed, you have to draw them in. Think of books you read, they aren't drabby or else no one would read them. Your story is somewhere in between. I think with some more detail it could be amazing. I'm hoping this helps you and you don't take it as a negative comment! If you ever want some help, you can ask me any time!
April 27th, 2012 at 05:49am