Friendship / Love X Confusion = Unrequited Equation - Comments

This is a genre that is super popular, and because of that, you've got to have a killer plot and write it really well for it to work. You've got a great start. I love that all the characters aren't just emo white boys; they've actually got substance and diversity. They also have different personalities, and I love that too.
Your dialogue could you some work. Read it out loud and see if it still sounds good. If it doesn't , change it. This is especially relevant when you have ellipsis. People don't pause that often, and it makes it harder to read.
Also, love triangles are hard to write without them sounding too cheesy, so just watch it, and if it starts feeling a bit too much, tone it down.
You've got a great start though, and it has a lot of potential.

Comment swap brought me here.

I'll admit from the get-go here that I'm not a slash fan. That's not your fault, of course :) and the story does have potential. But a few notes: the summary could use a little more spark, and maybe don't refer to them being a "normal high school senior" in every character's blurb. Maybe just say at the beginning that Michal, Bryan, and CK were all normal high school seniors, and then intro them individually. Grammar-wise it's pretty much okay, except don't forget commas after your dialogue.

This isn't really my kind of story, but a lot of people on Mibba love this genre, so keep working on it. (:

Okay, so I got this from the comment swap and to be honest, i didn't enjoy it. Partially, because I dont like stories like these. The story line is good though. But I was sort of confused. You said they weren't gay but they are in love with each other? I think this story has potential if you work at it.

Comment swap...

This is the first story like this that I've read, and I have to say, I am enjoying it! I like how the story is told from different points of views. I love when I can see how different characters react to the same situation. I also really like how the characters are portrayed. From the conversations that they have, it's definitely easy to see that these are three friends fresh out of high school. They're not too grown up and they act just like guys that I know.

This is a good story and I'm looking forward to seeing more

Oh and there were quite a few grammar mistakes. They weren't big but they're noticeable and you don't want that do you? I think maybe you should make the graduation more important I mean it's their last day and they're going to leave high school forever. Maybe talk about how they're happy they're leaving but they'll miss everything and everyone. You could possibly add in a highschool memory. That would probably help to show how close the three friends really are, maybe how they met, and why Michal liked CK. Also, Idk about you but, love is a big word. i mean I don't know your characters well enough but yeah, unless they're really close, you shouldn't use the word love to express his feelings towards his friend.

This isn't too bad but I think you should add more. It kind of jumps around. Also maybe put some more detail. Add more emotion by putting detail. It'll make everything more meaningful.

Your summary could do with some improving; maybe something a bit more enticing? I didn't find myself wanting to read on. Also, you don't need to repeat the summary in the first chapter.

our principal cheered speech is punctuation so that merits a capital 'O' on our.

All I could hear were the screams and feel the excitement That doesn't make sense. You need 'all I could feel' or something similar to make the bridge across to the different sense.

"Finneee" CK groaned, a full stop or comma after fine, and in writing we do not drag out the e, rather you write 'fine' and say that the e was dragged out in the description afterwards.

second home, and Young Sun, the comma after home should be after 'and'

Well on a lot of speech you tend to miss end punctuation, and I highly suggest going back and correcting that. I would invest in getting a beta to correct your work for you, as there are a lot of mistakes of both spelling and punctuation variety.

Wow massive logic jump at the end of chapter one. If he's about to tell his 'best friend' he loves him you are seriously going to experience a lot more emotions than rather than just going with it. I highly suggest reviewing that bit and maybe just re-writing it all together. I'd like to see nerves, anxiety and a much slower realization than Bryan may also like CK - if that indeed is what just happened. Also, you were capitalize 'love' which is unnecessary.

Ah; so all of that is from the first chapter. The plot line is interesting enough, I just think that your lack of beta seriously puts its potential at a disadvantage. Defiantly look into getting one. Keep writing<3

I only got to the first chapter and I already like it.

You have added another reader and subscriber :D

I really like the title; it's quite unique and definitely got me to click on the story.

I think each and every one of the characters are interesting and unique in their own way.

Just make sure to correct some grammar issues and where you place your commas and such.

Otherwise it's a great story!

Clicking the recommend button now :D

I only read the first few chapters and i think its really good. though commas go inside the par- these thingys -> " idk how to spell it. fml. anyway! it was really cool. i hope to get to read the rest and i hope to seem updates soon!

Oh my god. The status at the top of the page was the first thing I saw and I laughed my ass off!

The title is both cute and clever though perhaps it could be stylised better? Like I understand the Mibba rules and everything but considering you're using an equals sign already, I think it would be appropriate and I read it somewhere how if it's relevant (so other than signs for the sake of signs) though I can't find the forum, it's okay. At least where I'm from, we take a / as a divided-by sign, if that's an issue or something. But I had to read it quite carefully rather than just skimming it like I usually do, to get what it was? Cosmetic, but titles are important if a reader is looking at a list of potential stories and you can almost guarantee they'll go for the one that's least difficult to read, if you know what I mean? Seriously, it's a really clever title but tweaking the style could boost your audience.

Also, you need to tighten up on the grammar! There are several mistakes in your summary alone, particularly in the second paragraph. The first and last bits are great but yeah, also it sounds repetitive with the "his friends were always there for him." Perhaps you could change this, without mentioning their names again, to "But when betrayed by his friends, he will do anything…" etc. Also, the "boy's love story" needs putting in the plural.

Please don't apologise about the characters before you've even started! If you know you have holes in their personalities, you should work on it without really saying anything?

Anyway, I like how you jump straight into the story. That's good. No point screwing around and it automatically involves the reader. I honestly don’t see any problems really with your characters. There's a good balance between dialogue and internal thought to get to know them, personally I believe the two piece together the character better than another character looking in so that's good.

I must say though, and this a real pet peeve of mine (not trying to single you guys out or anything because you are definitely not the only ones who do it) but when you write more than one point of view, repeating the speech in the last chapter is really quite annoying. It's like ground hog day. As a reader I like to piece together the characters through their actions, I don't have to know their every thought on one scene to get it. Sorry, this probably sounds a bit harsh but yeah, I think it's a vital point of storytelling. You don't want to give away your best cards before the game even starts.

I really like the variety in adjectives and verbs though. A good vocabulary makes for good writing, and an interesting read :D Good job on that.

Just my final point, I think it'd be a good idea for all of you to read this to perfect your grammar (might have to scroll down a bit). Spelling in general's quite good but yeah, tighten up the screws and this story will do so well! Good luck :D

I only read the first two chapters but I liked what I had read so far. Though the commas should go inside the parentheses’ instead of outside, when you use dialogue. ;P Other than that it's really good and I may go back and read the other chapters you have, too. C:

I just read the first chapter, since the story I swapped for is a one-shot!

Title: Seems a bit long and it took me a few times reading it through to understand it. Also, 'divided' and 'times' should be capitalized.

Layout: I like it, no complaints. It's simple, attractive and easy to read.

Summary: Informative, but it doesn't flow all that well. I think something more simple, shorter, would maybe work better. But well written.

Chapter One:

"Parents and friends, the class of 2011!", our principal cheered into the microphone. -The comma is unnecessary here. And when there is no "!" or "?", the comma would go inside of the quotations, and nothing on the outside. The comma never goes after the quotations. You've got a few other grammar mistakes throughout that can be fixed. The word 'partied' is capitalized in there, and it doesn't need to be. Just simple things like that which can be fixed.

Overall, the story seems very interesting so far. The characters interactions with each other are interesting, but the frequent grammar mistakes are making it hard for me to read it and not find my mind interrupted. You're a talented writer, and there is always room for improvement!

Alright, the summary's pretty legit. The layout's nice and simple. But I'm kinda iffy on the long title...but hey, whatever floats your boat, right?
Their interactions are cute at the graduation. It kinda figures that they weren't completely joking about being drunk. But you got me a bit confused now. Michal's actin like he's into CK but in your A/N you say they aren't gay, just Boys' Love. Maybe our definitions are different? Either way, good job.

I really like the names of your characters, is my first thought, and it seems the title fits perfectly with the story! One thing is that there is a few places with capitalization errors.
At the end of the first chapter: You have a nice cliffhanger (everyone loves a good cliffhanger as long as there's another chapter afterwards!), not many spelling errors, you've got a good plot building up.
I looooove love triangles, I swear! They're just full of drama and that'swhatgetsmeoff I mean, that's what helps me sleep at night!
At the end of chapter two:
You're getting there!
I like how CK is trying to wipe the bags under his eyes away. It gives nice imagery to the story and for some reason it made me laugh. Also, "I realized this would be the perfect time to masturbate all my stress away". Just that, okay, it's perfect. I love how Bryan and Michal are always in competition.
At the end of chapter three:
I'm really confused. Like, was the "scene" sex or was it like... battered, blood and gore type of stuff.
At the end of chapter four:
Wait, so did Bryan like... rape Michal? Or... But I do like the repetitive nature of their Mortal Combat fights. It makes me laugh.
Altogether, this story is very interesting. It's really written well except for a few capitalization errors and confusing paragraphs. Keep it up!

First off you have a finamonal writing style! And I have taken your comment virginity. :D lol anyway back to the writing, you have a very very good idea in mind for this story. I don't know how I feel about this story... I love the concept but it's very hard to get into. Try and add a few more details about who they are. I liked the concept. :) keep it going ok!!
Keep writing!!