Liaisons - Comments

@ Hello I love you
aw thanks so much. I'm glad your enjoying it!!

This is so sweet (((: really well written, I love your characters (:

I will be, it's just that I'm now taking on full time work so it's a slow process

Ah, I've been ghost, sorry >< I'll start with mistakes (always fun... :/ sorry :') )

Three paragraphs in you've put "You late," instead of "You're late," :)

The first sentence of the tenth paragraph confuses me - did you mean to end it like that or is there meant to be something else there?
Also in paragraph ten, at the end, you've written I parked myself as my mahogany... that should be 'at', not 'as' ^.^'

For some reason, I really liked this her voice sounding deep and insightful – which is what she does when she is pretty clueless and wanting to move on to more important (in other words ‘juicy’ stuff). It made me giggle. However, that 'stuff' would probably lead a more fulfilling life outside of the brackets :)

So, taking that in my alcohol-soaked stride, I clicked the respond button. Oh, dear :S this does not bode well! (I'm commenting as I read, so shall see if my misgivings about that particular course of actions are baseless.)

Okay,, phew, baseless fears. I didn't really get this line though: I feared such actions may be seen as (to use your word) unorthodox and possibly unrequited.
But I guess that doesn't matter because she has been drinking. Also, I'm surviving off like three and a half hours sleep and its 01.34 AM...
That aside, I am very proud of Hannah's response to the email :') almost as though I am Hannah herself, rereading the email the next day :D

Another enjoyable chapter :) and it wasn't particularly fillerish as it did contain (and I quote) 'A Rather Shocking Revelation'.

Finally, Masks? I am intrigued, and look forward to more :D
Also, you are posting, so I take it your exams are finished?

^ ahh me too! I just seem to go blind when proofing my stories! Ah well, c'est la vie, eh?

Blackjack: aren't you my handy wee proof reader. I'm great at proof reading unless it's my own so thanks, I'll try and get those changes made. So happy your enjoying it.

Ahh, you've taken my suggestion on board >< :D you've done the two chapter thing nicely :) this way we also get to see a lot more of Daniel's character and take on events :)

So, chapter two :)

I really love your style and your descriptions- my favourite so far is He loved watching her mouth, the way it curved around each word, softly and sensuously, taking time to enjoy every syllable. Even her explicates, what had made him chuckle, had taken on a darker, more suggestive sound in his ears. He was sure the word “fuck” would never sound like a curse to him again, just an erotic suggestion.
I like all of it, but especially 'the way it curved around each word'.The description in itself is sensual and simply delicious!

I piked up on a few mistakes. The narrative switches from third person to first a few times throughout the chapter :S

Also, six paragraphs in you have put 'through' instead of 'threw'. In paragraph thirteen you've written 'work' instead of 'word'. Also, in the next (section?) of that paragraph, you say that Daniel is 'relishing' in her heat. That should either be 'revelling in' or simply relishing without the 'in' following it.

I'm really enjoying this, look forward to your next update :)

Yeah I thought that,, but I really wanted his perspective. Maybe having his point of view of the meeting in chapter two will keep the mystery element

Ah pretty much the same as fruit-bats. It's great to read about someone NOT in high school, but the background and font colours were very difficult to read. If you're going to keep alternating between points of view, it might also be worth having only one character POV per chapter. I think it would work quite well for us to not know who Daniel really is until chapter two. But of course this is at your discretion :)

Fruit-bats-galore: yeah sorry about that. I noticed it the moment I put it up and it wouldn't let me back in to change it. Wah!!!

Kailixx Oh my god, that's skilled. That's exactly where I found a bit of my inspiration. A friend put me on to the book (same friend who made me do this) and I had the first 15 chapter read in just a few hours

I like the story so far--but please, please, please change the color of Daniel's POV pieces. It's impossible to read as is!

I like it! Reminds me a little of Fifty Shades of Grey. Can't wait for more!