There - Comments

  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

    :
    Board Moderator
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    Canada
    Wow, that was definitely different. I don't know what I expected when I started reading this, but it definitely wasn't that ending. It reminded me a lot of the Hunger Games, in the way that you called the town a district and it was really run-down and what not.

    There's so many unanswered questions in this story! I wanted to know so much more and I want to know if she ever finds a way out. Skip seemed like he might be kind of sweet, but he was also incredibly creepy in a way.

    One thing I noticed though, is sometimes you skip words so it's like there's little holes in the sentence. It doesn't happen a lot, but I noticed it a few times.

    Anyways, nice job! (:
    September 30th, 2012 at 06:43am
  • CaesarSalad

    CaesarSalad (105)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    United States
    Alright. I'm a paragraph in and I'm captured. Aside from the few words missing, that my brain automatically fills in, I'm hooked. Now to continue... That last line left me begging for more. It also left a lot of unanswered questions. For instance, how did she get in there in the first place? Why can't she just go back the way she came? Why exactly is the city quarantined? Who else lives there? And is he going to kill her? So many answers needed, yet you ended at the perfect spot. I wish there was more to come, because I would definitely subscribe. All in all it was creepy and very well written.
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:03pm
  • daisyfairy

    daisyfairy (495)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    Great Britain (UK)
    Wow, this was definitely something new. I'm so glad you entered this in my contest, and that I got the chance to read it. It was creepy, and wonderful. Keep your eyes on the contest thread, I'm judging entries! <3 ^-^
    August 9th, 2012 at 04:02pm
  • little lover.

    little lover. (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    Australia
    I like the layout.

    This was pretty good. I love the build up you produced in your writing to the end. That was brilliant.
    I love odd little stories and this certainly was one. I like how it was different.

    Your wording is good. Your grammar, punctuation and all that was good. No mistakes.

    All in all, I liked it a lot. :)
    June 5th, 2012 at 08:44am
  • tourmaline

    tourmaline (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    Ooh this was really creepy! Like I felt totally uncomfortable the entire time, but it was cool because no other writing has really had me feeling that uneasy. I totally thought she was gonna get raped, and I'm so glad she didn't. That woulda ruined it ;D Is this a one-shot? I hope not O.o ♣
    May 15th, 2012 at 01:32am