Letters to Heaven - Comments

I found this baby via Comment Swap, so I'll jump right in.

This is a cool story. I'm only on chapter four, but I figured I'd let you know what I think so far. I'm pumped to read more. The only critique I can give is the shift from POV from first person to third. It threw me off, but I'll adjust. Also, I really love the letters at the beginning of each chapter. I can't wait to see how they all connect!

Anyway, good job and keep working at it! You've got a great story on your hands!

Comment Swap :)

I like the banner, its effective to make readers curious (Me, Lol xD)

Anyways, the summary was just wanting to make me read even more, so I'll keep doing that :)

Comment swap (:
So I really like your banner and layout. The banner is simple yet really interesting looking. I liked your summary very much, it really got me interested. And I like your writing style. The story is great so far, good luck (:

I like the banner for the layout but the white text on black is a bit harsh and hard to read. I had to default the layout in order to read it.

I really liked the first chapter. I thought it was short but good. I wonder why she buys two cups of coffee. I find that so sad but in a way so sweet.

You should review the rules of dialogue. I see the same mistake occurring over and over, so I suggest getting someone to help you with that. It's nothing huge and should be fixed easily.

Also in the second chapter I think there should be less use of ellipsis. They are not bad, but it seems to be overkill in my opinion. You should try to find a substitute for it.

Overall, I think that with a bit of revision, this story has potential. I like the idea but there are a few things you need to fix. Good luck!

~Brought here by comment swap~

first off, i really like ur banner :) it's cute.
however, i think u should change the font color of ur text. it is kind of blinding.

onto the story now! i like the start of the story. usually, people start stories off all happy, but i like how u started it sad and melancholy, but not in a "i want to kill myself" kind of way.
can't see any errors in grammar, so problem there! this story has really great potential and i can tell u will get many readers :)
keep up the good work.

I just came back to re-read this story, I really do like it. I'm going to subscribe to it just so I can keep up with what's going on, I hope you up date really soon because I cannot wait to read some more, it is a very good story so far, keep it up.

I really like the idea, I love the layout, I can't see any errors with grammar, I think this story has great potential, keep it up, thank you for such a good read. I'm going to recommend this story!

I like the way you laid this out. The letters that start off each chapter really introduce the reader to the kind of person she really is, and to the tone of the story. I liked watching the story unfold, but the first chapter still has a special place in my heart. Just the image of Ailee sitting with two cups of coffee, like she's waiting for someone, just made a big impression with me from the start. It's just so sad, but it's very cinematic.

Sent here via comment swap :)

I really do like the idea of this. Staring each chapter with a separate small letter is something I haven't seen before, but it works really well, almost like tiny little insights into her mind. I also really like how you haven't named the recipient, and how she orders an extra mug of coffee. It really makes you think.

Like TheRibbonOnMyWrist, I noticed the stilted dialogue. I can't really suggest more than she has. If there is a particular reason for her speaking formally, just add in a little explanation, because it seems quite strange when you read it through at the moment. Apart from that, I really love this, and I will definitely be subscribing. Please continue! :3

(Comment Swap)
This is an interesting start. My suggestions for this would be to watch out for your dialogue and characterization. Ailee speaks very formally, and it gets a little stilted at points. If you want to keep it as is I would include some of her family history somewhere (i.e. based off the pics, your cast is predominantly Asian, and Asian cultures stress respect and properness, especially towards elders). I also recommend being aware of your characters’ mood shifts. Ailee freaks out real quick with Janice mentions the letters. Why storm out of the café before getting the whole story? And Aunt Elaine is portrayed as this soft, frail woman of thirty-something, and then she snaps and gets real bitter real fast. Just a few things to look out for.

On another note, I really like that she’s writing these letters to God Knows Who (I’m getting the vibe that it’s a dead friend/lover) and ordering him a cup of coffee. That’s a really cool touch. It’s also interesting that her letters are so short. It’s like she’s telling him things as she’s thinking them—little thought spurts. I like it.

*Comment swap sent me here*
Wow. Wow? Wow. I did not expect how much I’d like this. The background is perfect. I love how you added the character picture (I have NO idea how!). As for the story itself I love the concept of the letters, stories like that has always interested me. You’ve done a great job so far and I’m really excited to read more! =)

omg i cried i thought about an ex throughout the whole story i never thought about doing this, he hung himself 2 years ago today would have been our 5th anniversary ive missed him soo much so much so today i went to his restign place and layed there crying saying that i missed him that i wanted to wake up from this scary dream and be wrapped in his arms, frfom now on when i miss him i will write a letter cause i knwo hes up there watchign over me and hell see it

Beautiful, beautiful layout.
You're writing style is almost calming and sweet and that really helped to create a great flow as well as relax the reader.
Lovely concept as well. I got really choked up and felt rather touched with the ending.
Such great potential and I really hope you continue to work at this, there's nothing really technical I could point out that the previous comment didn't.
Definitely a recommendation from me, Sadie J. Blue xxx

The banner is super pretty, first of all, really well done! And I think it's really cool that the characters are different ethnicities, too, I like the added diverisity that so many stories lack. :3

It should be it was cold but I didn't care. Otherwise, I really liked the beginning. It's a really unique way to start a story, I think. It adds something different to the table. Again, it should be I could play. The first paragraph was really insightful and beautiful, especially the ending really struck a chord with me. The ticking part was really well put together.

You should space your paragraphs more, a new paragraph everytime a new person talks.

It should be didn't mean everyone did, for the time.

I actually sort of really fell in love with the end, I think it's a really interesting premise for a story to have someone who's waiting with such dedication. It made me really love her for having that sort of quirk to her, and really make me empathize for her too. I really wasn't expecting that, but it's definitely something different.

Again, there should be a space between every piece of dialogue.

You use small metal door twice in one paragraph, right after another, but otherwise I really like Ailee. She seems very sweet and genuine and it's the type of character that really resonates with me, and really makes me like her because she's sort of quiet and reserved but it really works well with the premise too. A sort of silent dedication, aha. c:

I like the subtle slip revealing her age, how they're not in high school anymore. The only thing would be that the description is a little short, I don't really get a sense of the setting to be honest, or what her life is like. I think it would really add another dimension if you delved more into her world.

Other than that, it's a really great start and it's a really heart breaking story that I think will resonate with a lot of people. Wonderful! :3