Teeth - Comments

I love this. Its creepy, yet can be told to children. Amazing .

Oh my gosh, that was awesome! Best tooth fairy story ever! Finally a tooth fairy who isn't a girl, wearing a tutu, or a fairy.
I love the way you wrote this!

This was brilliant.

I think this is great :) I love the subject and I think that the tone works really well - like notweirdbutunique said it has a sort of Tim Burton feel to it. It's creepy in a fairytale sort of way.

The boy was forced to grow up toothless until the day he himself, became a dentist. Becoming a dentist meant he would have teeth once again and he did. He wore the sets of false teeth he created using his clients’ teeth. I especially love this paragraph, even though the idea of wearing someone else's teeth freaks me out a bit haha, but apart from that I think that it is a delightfully eerie detail :)

I'm at a loss on what to say about this. One minute it was morbid and the other, it was pretty sweet. Like what one of your commenters had said, it's a little like Tim Burton's tales for twisted children.

Good stuff.

That is fucking awesome. I should read this to my litle sister, cause she just lost a tooth, and keeps rambling on and on about the tooth fairy. Bravo! -gives cookie. Recommends-

This was really good. Layout is pretty, I like it a lot.

Very different, which is what I love. There was a certain edge to this story, it showed in your writing. It lured me into reading the whole lot - I was hooked from the start wondering about the dentist.

Grammar and punctuation is pretty good. Very little mistakes, which is good.

Congratulations for the comments, I agree with all of them. :)

Eh. I'm torn about this particular piece. It's an excellent concept, and it has the potential to be incredibly creepy and intense, but I feel like the tone wasn't quite dark enough to fit the story you were trying to tell. It was a little eerie, yes, but not crazy-man-pulling-out-teeth-like-mad eerie.

You seem to have an aversion to hyphens, too. "Enamel-made cage," "blood-stained gums," "cavity-decayed enamel," the typical descriptor hyphen. It's a nitpicky grammar thing, but I thought I'd mention it just in case you care. :p

I really liked the ending, though. I'm a sucker for creepy tooth fairy stories and stories that explain the origins of mythical figures.

I enjoyed reading the story in spite of the fact that it wasn't as creepy as I'd hoped. It was written well, and it was a fun little journey through the tale. Thank you for suggesting it to me! :)

Another interesting narrative voice :) it's kind of story-book chilling - reminds me of Tim Burton a little, methinks. I like the ending - the explanation of the tooth fairy. I also like the idea of the inside of a padded cell being like the inside of a tooth.

You've made a few odd lexical choices.
proclaiming his professional skill in dentistry, luring the passersby inside with such bargaining prices. You don't need to put 'professional' there- it feels a little odd. The same with such bargaining prices. The sentence is clunky and a bit strange- I think you probably only need something like 'his low prices' or something similar.

He never killed his victims, oh no, that wasn’t what he needed them for. No, he simply needed their teeth. Small teeth, big teeth, he just wanted their teeth. I like this a lot :) It's so simple, and really adds to the 'storybook' charm you've got going.

they trusted him wholly because he was a self-proclaimed dentist. The wording here is, once again, a little odd. It make it seem that the patients know that he isn't really a dentist. Maybe something like 'because he said he was a dentist' - a little simplistic, but it doesn't carry the same connotations as 'self-proclaimed'.

he would collect variant sizes of teeth - that should be 'various', not 'variant'.

oh no, no, no. Teehee, this is like a parent admonishing a naughty child. Like 'how could you think that?' I like it a lot :D

His fascination with the beautiful, white, enamel shell grew rapidly with each removal. This gives me an entirely new view on teeth. I've always collected my baby teeth, but I have also always thought they were ugly as sin. To be honest, I don't know why I collected them. They scare the crap out of me X'D. I think I just like them because they are small :')

exclaiming maniacally that they had a disgusting amount of cavities as he did so. I can just picture this. Horrified dentist turned manic, and his patients would never know! Heehee. I can imagine the next dentist I see to be like this. I don't think I'e been to see a dentist in about eight years, probably a decade but I always get comments on how white and straight my teeth are, so it's cool.
/TMI. Sorry...

he would falsely acclaim. That should be 'proclaim', not 'acclaim'.

some of the officers even lost their teeth on the job, this reminds me of comedy crime. I love comedy crime. Because the narrative voice seems to take the loss of the officers teeth as seriously as if they had lost their lives. I like that :D

However, late in the pitch blackness of the night, the dentist returns, seeking to quench his past life obsession. and ‘Small teeth, big teeth; I just want your teeth.’ Chilling.
I really, really like this ending :D

Dentists already scare me and now I am really freaked out! Love the story thought Ara!!! :3