First off, I really liked the simplicity of the layout. Though the black text against the dark gray is a little difficult to read, I did appreciate the fact that there isn't a lot going on in the layout, and that really make the banner graphic pop more. Also, a lot of people tend to have a ton of patterns and graphics everywhere, and I personally find that a little distracting, which detracts from the actual writing. I also really liked your summary because I feel like it set the mood for the piece and let me know what I was getting into beforehand.
I enjoyed the overall theme of the piece, and it was refreshing to read something that's not entirely depressing but not annoyingly upbeat at the same time. I liked the balance of Billie’s failed relationship with Isaac and what seems like a budding relationship with Nevin. Another thing that really made the piece feel more real to me was the maturity of the characters. Usually when two people break up and go their separate ways, that’s it. There’s never really any closure, and I like how you brought Isaac and Billie the closure they needed. The little witty observations and comments that you threw in throughout the piece also worked to lighten the heaviness of the topic. Boo was absolutely adorable, and it always makes me happy to read a well-written pet in a fic, only because I adore my own dog so much. Most of the pets I read in fics are only mentioned a couple times before they're completely forgotten about, and there's no mention of the responsibilities that tie into having a pet, so I enjoyed how you mentioned having to walk Boo and all that good stuff. I thought you incorporated the object really well, exactly the way that I had in mind when I created the contest. I didn’t want to read an entire oneshot centered around one object, but at the same time, I didn’t want the object to just be thrown in randomly. I feel like you really found that balance and thought of a unique way to include the object and tie it in with your main character’s feelings at the time.
That being said, there were a lot of grammatical errors throughout the piece, especially involving commas. The first paragraph kind of runs together because of the lack of commas, which makes it a little difficult to read. I’m not going to go through and point out each error, only because I don’t want my comment to turn into editing, but there are some comma issues and some phrasing that just doesn’t read well. Also, I felt like there were some gaps in this piece as far as characterization goes. Though it is a relatively short piece, I feel like it’s a bit too short, and I found myself with a lot of unanswered questions. I couldn’t really get a grasp on any of the characters because I didn’t feel like there were really any traits that made them distinguishable. It just read as the story of a girl, her ex, and the guy that lives next door. There was nothing that really made me feel a connection with any of them, so I wasn’t able to get as involved in the story as I would’ve like to.
Overall, I feel like this is a really solid piece, and I liked how you used your object. Thanks for entering!
I enjoyed the overall theme of the piece, and it was refreshing to read something that's not entirely depressing but not annoyingly upbeat at the same time. I liked the balance of Billie’s failed relationship with Isaac and what seems like a budding relationship with Nevin. Another thing that really made the piece feel more real to me was the maturity of the characters. Usually when two people break up and go their separate ways, that’s it. There’s never really any closure, and I like how you brought Isaac and Billie the closure they needed. The little witty observations and comments that you threw in throughout the piece also worked to lighten the heaviness of the topic. Boo was absolutely adorable, and it always makes me happy to read a well-written pet in a fic, only because I adore my own dog so much. Most of the pets I read in fics are only mentioned a couple times before they're completely forgotten about, and there's no mention of the responsibilities that tie into having a pet, so I enjoyed how you mentioned having to walk Boo and all that good stuff. I thought you incorporated the object really well, exactly the way that I had in mind when I created the contest. I didn’t want to read an entire oneshot centered around one object, but at the same time, I didn’t want the object to just be thrown in randomly. I feel like you really found that balance and thought of a unique way to include the object and tie it in with your main character’s feelings at the time.
That being said, there were a lot of grammatical errors throughout the piece, especially involving commas. The first paragraph kind of runs together because of the lack of commas, which makes it a little difficult to read. I’m not going to go through and point out each error, only because I don’t want my comment to turn into editing, but there are some comma issues and some phrasing that just doesn’t read well. Also, I felt like there were some gaps in this piece as far as characterization goes. Though it is a relatively short piece, I feel like it’s a bit too short, and I found myself with a lot of unanswered questions. I couldn’t really get a grasp on any of the characters because I didn’t feel like there were really any traits that made them distinguishable. It just read as the story of a girl, her ex, and the guy that lives next door. There was nothing that really made me feel a connection with any of them, so I wasn’t able to get as involved in the story as I would’ve like to.
Overall, I feel like this is a really solid piece, and I liked how you used your object. Thanks for entering!